Looking for tough yet fair advice about the longevity of my relationship given the large disparity in income between my partner and I.
My (28F) and my partner (36F) have been in a relationship for 14 months, and living together for 8 months of that. We do similar amount of chores around the house, share cooking etc. I take on more of the burden of life admin (financial planning, bills, insurances etc) as my partner is a bit of a procrastinator and has no experience nor desire to do it.
My partner relocated to live abroad with me, but was previously living with her parents. We met in my home country (through friends). I’ve been living here for 5 years.
In our home country my partner had an average income. Let’s say €28k. And has never had the desire to increase it (through study or skills etc). My partner had 0 assets. Not a penny to their name when we met, despite living with their parents well in to their thirties.
I on the other hand, have some money insecurities (as we all do to some extent), and my way of dealing with that growing up was aspiring for independence. I studied hard, put myself through university, grad jobs etc. At 28 I’m fortunate to be earning ~€200k/year (+ non cash comp, such as stock options). I’ll soon be taking on a role north of €300k, and my earning potential is uncapped (Finance/Tech C-Suite).
I also own the house we live in, the mortgage is €2k/month and incl. bills around €2.6k month. It’s a beautiful place furnished to a high standard, so our day to day living is very comfortable.
Given my partner made the leap to join me abroad, I have been funding our lifestyle. It took 6 months to get the visa through so she could start working. I referred her to a #1 place to work and she was successful and began at a job with a salary of around €40k. After 3 weeks she said she hated it and quit.
I felt this was quite irresponsible as I had been funding everything (the house, food, trips, even haircuts) since she moved. I explained that when there is responsibility (e.g. bills to be paid on a certain date) you can’t quit without having something else lined up.
Anyway, she quit and started doing cleaning jobs. I respect the hard graft that goes into this job massively. However, her earning potential is capped to ~€28k. She explains that she will never earn more than this.
Whilst the day to day of the relationship is great, we have many arguments about money. I have aspirations/plans to retire early, and on some level feel like if we are together for the long haul, I will need to bake in her retirement fund too, or slow down my own retirement to subsidise her lifestyle to somewhat match mine.
There’s many practicalities I’m concerned about long term. At the moment I can still take advantage of doing a few trips a year with friends, as I know my partner is limited to one a year. But how does this look when we have children? I envisioned a life of being able to introduce my children to different cultures and giving them the opportunity of private education.
I would love to not have my insecurities and this desire to strive for independence and financial freedom and be content and live an average 2.4 kids and 3 bed house lifestyle. But I don’t, and the more therapy I have, the more I realise there’s no shame in that. I’m still a kind, generous and loving individual - I just have dreams and desires like any human.
My partner and I talk often, both have our own therapists and have signed up for couples therapy today with a (mutually) new therapist.
TLDR: I earn 6-7x more than my partner now, maybe more in the future. Already causing some issues such as resentment. Don’t want to feel this way. Are we incompatible or is there a way to work around this for both of us?
Submitted March 14, 2023 at 11:53PM by candiddysprosium https://ift.tt/6UWSg3K
No comments:
Post a Comment