I (22F) am upset because a coworker (22M) confessed feelings to me, even though we both have partners. I don't know how to handle the situation because we work together and are in the same friend group.

TL/DR: A coworker (22M) called me (22F) after hanging out with a group from work and confessed feelings, even though he has a girlfriend and I have a boyfriend. I'm upset because he put me in an awkward position and this seems to happen every time I make guy friends. I don't know how to handle this situation. Please read the whole text before commenting because I'm afraid to sound stuck-up, but I'm genuinely upset.

I started working somewhere a month ago, and I met some friends here, and it made work genuinely fun. A group of 2 girls and 3 guys, all in our early twenties. I went out with them yesterday and it was great. I even told them some personal things. I really love that group.

Then afterwards one of the guys called me and confessed he is into me. Now, that isn't a bad thing but he has a girlfriend and apparently lied to her about what group he went out with. I feel so sorry for the girl, and I will pressure him to tell her because she doesn’t deserve this stuff and she deserves a better boyfriend. It is also weird: I have literally had like 5 conversations with this guy in total. I don't get it.

I have a boyfriend too, and he knows that. I even told my new friends how much my boyfriend means to me and how he helped me out of my depression. I just don’t understand why he would do this to his girlfriend, and put me in that position too, especially after what I told them about my boyfriend. Like seriously, what did he expect me to say?

I'm disappointed and it is a pattern. This is not the first time this happens. Almost every guy friend I make hits on me after a month or so. I know so many guys that are great and I want to be friends with them. It just seems to happen every single time. Even when I think it won't. It makes me feel like I’ll never be a person to a guy. I’m not a person, I’m a girl. I’m either sexually or romantically interesting, or I’m not interesting at all, and I hate it. I just want to get to know people and talk to them without other intentions. I stopped making one on one guy friends, because they seem to take it the wrong way when I am friendly and I don't want to lead someone on or be mean. But I thought making friends in a group would be different.

So because of this I lost another friend group. I'm young and I don't know how to handle this correctly. I can't just keep hanging out with this group now. I feel like that won't be right to my partner. But I want to be friends with the others. I had a great time. But that means I'll have to be around him too, and I don't want to. I told the other girl in the group, mostly to warn her in case he is suddenly in love with her too. I did not tell the other guys.

Before this all happened, he invited all of us to do something together again next week. But after I rejected him I got uninvited.

Should I withdraw from the whole group? Or is there a way I can keep being friends with the others? Maybe someone has had a similar experience? I don't want him to lose the friend group either, even though it is clearly him that is messing stuff up.

(Just want to make sure I'm understood: I'm not upset that he has feelings for me. He can't control his feelings. I'm upset he lied to his girlfriend, I'm upset he confessed feelings to me and put me into this position even though he knows how much I love my partner. I'm upset I'm losing my new friend group and I'm not invited anymore. And I'm mostly upset because this is a pattern that keeps happening.)

Submitted March 17, 2023 at 05:01AM by peachches https://ift.tt/H2h7mIV