My (26F) self conscious girlfriend is upset with me (27m) because i couldn’t “get it up” for our first time

My girlfriend is extremely self conscious about her body. I keep giving her words of encouragement and reassurance that her body is beautiful because I really think it is. She told me she wanted to have alcohol in her for the first time we have sex and we hadn’t had a chance to talk about it since she told me. I didn’t know how to bring it up because it seemed like a really sensitive issue and I’ve never been with a girl who said she needed that.

Well flashback to 3 nights ago, we’re fooling around with each other. My girlfriend says she has to leave in 15 minutes so in a flirtatious way, I say “ok, 15 more minutes of fooling around.” After 2 minutes, my girl says “let’s do it.”

It caught me by surprise because she originally said she wanted to have alcohol in her system. And on top of it, I felt like there was a time limit since she said she had to leave, but i said ok and grabbed a condom. I’m really attracted to her, but it’s tough with her self-image issues to be intimate with her. I start to take her pants off, but she grabs the blanket and prevents me from seeing any of her naked. She takes her pants off for me under the blanket and I roll over to put on the condom.

Then my brain gets flooded with nerves and anxious thoughts, mostly about wanting to be great for her so she feels comfortable in the future. I also feel rushed and almost unnatural in the moment though and it’s hard to fight off the feeling. I’ve had sex many times in 6 separate relationships and had never felt this way. I start to feel my erection disappear and my anxiety turns to panic. She’s just laying next to me waiting.

Then i try to put the condom on before my erection is completely gone, but i put the condom on backwards, so now I’m completely soft. I try to focus back on my girl, but she wont let me take her shirt off and then tells me she just wants to have sex already. In the moment, I tell her i’m soft and I’m embarrassed, but that the issue is completely on my end and it has nothing to do with anything she did or how she looks. She gets really upset and goes home.

A few days go by and we talk about it. I tell her i was really trying to make it enjoyable for her, but in the process, i psyched myself out of the mood. I told her that I just didn’t feel on the same page as her either because she had mentioned alcohol for our first time and she hadn’t had any that night. She says it’s ok and that she understands, but she’s a little upset.

I tell her i think she’s so attractive and after 5 more mins of talking, we start fooling around again and I’m having no issues getting/ staying hard now that I feel I’m on the same page as her. I go to take her pants off, but she stops me. She says she feels like “me not getting hard was two steps back for her and she needs time before we try again.” I tell her i’ll do whatever she needs fo feel comfortable, but she assures me it has nothing to do with me, it’s her own self-image issues.

So now I’m wondering where I go from here??? I feel really nervous for the next time we try because if I fuck up and don’t get hard the next time, i’m afraid she’ll feel even worse. I also have never been with a girl with body image issues and I’m trying so hard to be accommodating, but it’s just too much pressure for me. My nerves are crazy now and sex with her just doesn’t seem natural or fun to me anymore. At the same time, apart of me keeps thinking that maybe if we break the first time “barrier,” it will get better. She’s really sweet, kind, thoughtful, caring, etc, etc, otherwise.

Any advice would be greatly appreciated.

TLDR; Tried to have sex for the first time with my self conscious girlfriend. I couldn’t get hard and it made her upset. Now sex is off the table until she feels ready again.

Submitted March 19, 2023 at 03:04PM by InternalDuck69 https://ift.tt/5TlyFoD