My (31F) boyfriend (44M) keeps kicking the commitment can down the road, I don’t like ultimatums but not sure what other choice I have here

I’ve (31F) been with my boyfriend (44M) for two years now. When we first got together he said he didn’t want to mess around and was looking for a life partner (wife), wanted kids etc. I told him I was looking for the exact same thing, it was a match, awesome. I’m his first relationship to last longer than a year, which he’s blamed on having a full on career (which he has) and on not having met the right person, seemed legitimate to me.

After being together a year, I first told him I loved him, which he said he couldn’t say back yet. That was fine, we all get there at different times, and he said it a few months later. At the same time, he had a freak out and said that he wasn’t sure he wanted to get married/have kids anymore so I said I’d give him a few weeks to figure it out and if he still didnt, I’d be leaving the relationship. He came around, has said he’s sure he does want those things and wants them with me.

A couple of months back, I brought up wanting to move our relationship forward, either moving in together or getting engaged (he’s said he won’t have kids unless he’s married, I’m ambivalent and don’t really care either way). He immediately tried to push off us moving in together and said he wants to buy another investment property and doesn’t want to move in together til next year. Sounded like an excuse to buy himself more time to me. I then said I wanted to get engaged soon, since he insists we marry before kids and given that we’re coming up 32 and 45 we’re going to need to go down that road sooner rather than later and he said “you just want a ring”, which is ridiculous, and again seems like he’s trying to buy himself more time. He’s also just started therapy for “commitment issues”, he’s never been in a bad relationship and everyone around him is happily married, including his folks.

I don’t like ultimatums but I also don’t want to waste my own time. I think 2 years when you’re in your mid forties is enough time to know whether you want to be with someone. Should I be handling this a different way? I don’t want to walk away but I refuse to keep living in limbo.

TLDR: my mid forties boyfriend of 2 years won’t move our relationship forward in any way and whilst I love him and don’t want to leave, I don’t want to keep staying in the same position for any more years

Submitted March 30, 2023 at 03:57PM by Last_Wonder https://ift.tt/o9cCml3