tl;dr - I (38F) have had feelings for a coworker (33M) for 4 years and have not been able to get over them or move on from them, and it's messing me up inside.
So, I'm not sure anymore how best to approach this specific situation other than just leaving my job, at this point. I've had feelings for a coworker that I work really closely with now for 4 years. However, we work at a small company and I believe that's what complicates things, but I'm not sure. I have always gotten the vibe that the feeling is mutual, but it's never moved forward - even though there have been a few times where it feels like we are getting close and then it will seem like he backs away. I told him once a couple years ago that I would be open to pursuing more but at that point he just said that we were friends and "honestly sees us as nothing more than that" so I never approached it again.
At this point I know him pretty well, and I think he's closer to me than anyone else at work. We have spent time together outside of work and I feel like we're just on the same page about a lot of things. We have both dated other people the entire time we've worked together, nothing serious. There is a definite chemistry that other people pick up on and have made comments about and I'm pretty sure we find each other attractive. I don't know that I've ever felt so emotionally connected with someone before, or had such good communication and conflict resolution with someone else.
I don't know for sure if the blockage is work or if there is some other reason he only saw us as friends a couple years ago. Either way the whole thing is messing me up emotionally. My friend told me that I have an 'unhealthy fixation' on it, but I don't know how else one is supposed to react when they are connecting with someone daily that they have genuine feelings for without anything happening. I think it's more than limerence because we have an actual friendship/relationship, but I get so stuck on it, that even when I try to date other people, I haven't really been able to move on.
He's been dating someone else for 6 months and I'm simultaneously happy that he's happy but also heartbroken and can't deal.
I'm looking for a new job for a load of other reasons but in the meantime what are your tips for coping or any advice on making this situation better? Feel free to just call me out on this, too, lol.
Submitted March 26, 2023 at 08:28PM by pixiepalooza https://ift.tt/tOcpvT9
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