My boyfriend (29M) got distant after we decided to start looking for an apartment and moving in together, and today he broke up with me (29F)

TLDR: My boyfriend of almost two years agreed to start looking for an apartment and live together, seemed excited about it. The next month, started becoming more and more distant until breaking up with me today. I can't make sense of what happened and I'm hurting so badly.

I don't know how to deal with this.

We've been together for almost 2 years. It was really hard for the first 6 months, but then we built the best relationship either of us has ever been in. We both have some bad relationship experiences (edit: we have both been abused by previous partners) and I am the first person he has ever been in love with/loved.

We were happy, stable, safe, connected and loved each other very, very much. We worked through our differences in a healthy way, and I thought that he was the man I could happily spend the rest of my life with.

About a month ago I asked him if he would be ready to start looking for an apartment together, and after some thinking, he agreed and seemed excited and happy about it.

Then he became distant, just like he was in the beginning of the relationship. He started initiating conversations/making plans to see me less. When I was around him, he was touching me less and we have not had sex for weeks (our sex life has been consistently frequent and great up to this point, and he has said that I'm the best sexual partner he has ever had).

He's always been a gamer, but the past weeks he has been gaming until morning even on workdays and has been sleeping at most 4 hours every night.

I was confused and worried and asked him several times if everything is okay, if everything is still good between us, and he always told me that it was and that I'm overthinking.

Well, yesterday he dropped a bomb. He has been thinking about breaking up. We stayed up until 4 in the morning and I have never seen a person cry so much. He said he was freaking out about moving in together, and that it "shouldn't feel like that". Still, he said that I'm the only person that he has ever loved and that he still loves me, and this is the best relationship he has ever had, that nothing else could compare. I told him that we could just wait with moving in together, but he said that if he feels that way when he thinks about it, we shouldn't be together at all. Eventually, we decided to go to sleep and he held me so tightly, like he was afraid that I would vanish into thin air if he let go.

Today, I was going home. We said goodbye and he held me. I told him that I love him more than anything and he told me he loves me too. I asked what the way forward is and he cried and said that he doesn't know. I asked him if this was the end, or if I should give him some space to think. He said "It shouldn't feel this way. I'm so sorry, <my name>. Reach out if you need anything". When the elevator doors were closing, I could hear him completely break down sobbing.

I don't know what to do. I can't believe this is how it ends. It happened so fast and feels so rushed. I'm worried about him possibly being depressed, but now I'm in a position where I can't do anything. I can't stop crying and everything hurts. I just want to be with him and work through this, but it is not my decision. I just want more than anything in this world, that he would call me and tell me he made a mistake. But that little shred of hope, makes it so much more painful.

I'm hoping that someone could help me make sense of this, because I don't understand. I'm worried about him but I don't feel like there is anything I can do. He already knows that I don't want to end this, that I want to work through it, so it doesn't make sense for me to try to reach out. I don't know how to deal with this immense pain.

Submitted March 19, 2023 at 02:37AM by sneeeerbie https://ift.tt/ctqjOQ8