We've been together for almost a dozen years now, and she's really amazing to have been able to bear with me for all those years ;)
The one issue I have been struggling of late -- and, looking back, the scary thing is that it seems to be getting worse each year --, is how sensitive I get to random meaningless shit, such a joke, or small acts of omission/procrastination, for no good reason, really.
Just to give an example of how silly it is. A few days ago, she was in bed, with a book on her lap, but closed, and I assumed she was ready to sleep, so I simply turned off the lights without asking before sneaking under the covers myself. She then said something about me being a controlling freak who controls even when she gets to get asleep, which was a joke, as she told me later on. However, as soon as she said it, I got all anxious and guilty, as I agree I was controlling and inconsiderate in not asking her before turning off the lights.
Because of this very minor incident, everything felt off for the following day or two. It's somewhat hard to explain in words how "off" it feels, but it's like I have the nagging perception she's faking, whatever she's doing. For instance, if she says it's a joke, it feels like she's lying -- even though I perfectly well understand that she's saying the truth. Then, when she tries to touch me or to cuddle, it feels like she really doesn't want to, but does it out of obligation -- again it is a weird perception, that I know for a fact not be based on anything real.
Now, because of this false perception -- and even though I know it is false --, I feel so awkward that I cannot make myself to act normal, so I tend to avoid her as I won't be able to respond normally. I know that is not healthy, but acting lovingly, when I have this nagging perception that the other person doesn't "really" care about me is very hard for me.
I know this is all on me, and I wonder if anyone has similar stupid feelings, and what did you do about them? Should I simply fake everything is OK so not to bother her? I guess my problem is that I'm generally really bad at acting/faking things, and I've always been weary of introducing deception into a relationship. But white lies don't hurt from time to time, don't they?
tl;dr: Feel disconnected from partner for no good reason from time to time. Should I play along like nothing happened to avoid distressing her?
Submitted March 30, 2023 at 10:45PM by Sufficient-Menu-2334 https://ift.tt/tIZcPBD
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