He is a real listener, and none of his previous partners have made him feel safe sexually. From what I know, he could get berated for finishing too fast, for not having sex with his previous partners enough, not getting aftercare, not being appreciated for the effort he puts in... which is all horrible. I do a lot to make sex a very safe space for him, since it's about the intimacy between us.
But after months of trying to get more initiating from his side, and me getting over my fear of initiating and now being almost the only one to initiate (because otherwise I would be waiting 1-2 weeks without any sexual intimacy,) I'm at a loss.
I try to approach sex as something we do together, he said maybe if there was more variety he would want to more often. He then never tried to change up positions, dirty talk, toys, anything. He bought shibari rope and I'm the only one who has used it on him. He bought handcuffs, which again I am the only one who has used them on him.
And I will never blame him for this, but he sometimes can't even last a minute when we get to PIV. Which is really hard, because a minute of PIV once a week is such a sad amount of time to be away from him in that way, especially since it's usually always how I reach orgasm. This would be ok, if we did a round 2 after 20 minutes or an hour, but we never do. I would have to go out of my way to ask specifically, and probably be told no.
He does a lot to please me in bed and the chemistry is still amazing, but I get so little intimate time with him in a week and after all of our conversations, he still just shuts in on himself, he apologizes for how hard it is for me, and expresses he understands it's important, but all suggestions for change and meeting midway are all by me (at least any that are acted upon are only from my end.)
I'm just so tired of asking over and over. I wish he would try something different to meet me partway, not just apologizing and feeling sorry for himself; I don't want him to be down on himself. He says, "if you want to have sex, just ask" but the answer isn't always yes (which is ok, but it's hard being the only one being rejected) and I don't want to have to ask every time. I want to feel wanted too.
I also get visibly stressed when he can't make me orgasm, which I know is hard on him, so I assure him about this and I'm working on regulating my emotions better- but I get so anxious when I don't because I can't help but think "I don't want to wait a week or two and have to ask again to do this with you." I do a lot (steering a lot of these conversations) to assure him.
I have also tried just giving him space and letting him come to me to try just taking the pressure off, still would rarely get sex, and because he'd wait so long he'd again last minutes.
Any advice from either low/high libido people is welcome, I just feel lonely and so tired of bringing up this conversation with my partner.
TLDR: My partner is lovely but we have very little sex and the sex we do have lasts minutes. We have talked numerous times but I feel like I have made all the changes and sacrifices, nothing from his end aside from listening and apologizing.
Submitted March 28, 2023 at 10:24PM by gloomypierogi https://ift.tt/XCSA1HW
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