TL;DR: I'm stuck in a cognitive pattern where all I do I obsess about different people, through different phases. once one is over, I become obsessed about the person and I feel like I'm madly in love. I'd like to get out of this pattern. how?
As soon as I (28f) develop a crush on someone, I start obsessing about them all the time, getting a lot of intrusive thoughts about them throughout the day. I can spend hours thinking about them and get the feeling I cannot live without them. If the relationship does not materialise, I typically easily fall for someone one else, to whom all my feelings for the previous person are transferred. Once I have a new love interest, I completely loose interest in the former person and fail to even understand how I could like them in the first place. They're like dead to me and I don't care. This shift can happen over night, but the pattern is always the same. I somehow idealise the person, convince myself that they're the best person in the world, and get myself in a state of absolute limerence. I create an entire story which typically results in disappointment as the other person feels suffocated by my intensity. Indeed I have trouble controlling my emotion because it is so strong, it never develops slowly. This has got me thinking that all the times I thought that I was in love, I was actually being obsessive / limerent, and that it all had to do with my cognitive patterns rather than my actual feelings towards the person in question. Once we remove the obsession, here I wonder; are they any feelings at all? It's not clear at all to me so I would love to hear some inputs and advices from you guys to stop sabotaging myself and my relationships. I would ideally like to be free of these obsessive patterns and able to live my life happy, single.
Submitted February 22, 2023 at 01:50PM by Pale_Review_4877 https://ift.tt/4vSr3Nt
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