[UPDATE] I (32M) tried everything to help my grieving girlfriend (29F) but she refused to cooperate and chose her best friend (30M) over me

original post: https://www.reddit.com/r/relationships/comments/110o087/i_32m_tried_everything_to_help_my_grieving/

The original post has been removed, but here's an update, because I'd like to explain some things.

Alright folks, you made it clear. I accept your verdict, I'm the asshole. 

Sorry for not replying individually, most of the questions were very similar, so I'd like to answer them here:

- I couldn't go there, because I was working. I'm not in a financial position where I can risk losing my job. I wasn't just lazy or not in the mood to drive. That still doesn't mean I didn't talk to her until I got there. We talked every day and she knew she can call me whenever she needs to. 

- I'm not homophobic. I like Brock and his boyfriend, they're both great guys. After reading your comments, I realised I didn't appreciate their help enough. I felt ashamed and guilty for not being there and I projected that anger onto them. I already apologised to them over text, and I hope I'll have the opportunity to do it in person, too. 

- Yes, I love my girlfriend, adore her, and I wanted nothing more than to help her. I know she's suffering, and it hurts to see her like that. I'm not good with words, I can't cook soup and I don't have a best friend's comforting touch. The only thing I know is wood, and creating something new helped me get through the hardest times in my life. I wanted to share this with her, because I feel like it's the only useful thing I can do. 

- I mentioned her unwashed hair, because it's something I associate with depression. I grew up living with a depressed mother, I know what it does to a person. I was desperately trying to prevent that from happening, and I failed to realise it's a different situation. 

- I haven't talked to her since I left, because I didn't want to bother her. I sent her a long apology message, and I told her I'd like to talk this through when/if she feels comfortable with meeting me. If she doesn't want to meet me, I accept that, too. 

Thank you for your comments and advices, I clearly have a lot of things to work on about myself, this was a huge reality check. 

Lastly, I'd like to say I'm sorry to everyone in the comment section who lost their parents. Thank you for sharing your feelings and stories, and I'm sorry my post reminded you of that trauma. 

TL;DR: I couldn't reply individually to people in the comment section, so I'm trying to explain the situation in this post

Submitted February 13, 2023 at 02:12AM by RadioactiveGalaxyCat https://ift.tt/A1YbfGV