A trivial matter and yet I'm at a breaking point -- he's 50 and male, I'm 40 and female -- 10 year relationship

My spouse won't clean up after himself in the kitchen. I mean a little bit but not very much or very often. We have a dog who, because of health issues, we have to prepare rice for every day. And the rice just gets everywhere. And he leaves it. And I clean it up. And I find it so disrespectful. (I prepare the dogs food about half the time and yes, I clean up after myself.) Now to be fair, he does do things around and outside the house that I don't. He plows the driveway and starts the fires (we have a wood stove we usually keep running through the winter), and so forth. But how does that relate to flinging crap all over the kitchen and just leaving it? It's like it doesn't relate to wiping one's butt after using the toilet. You plow the driveway AND you wipe your butt.

Have I tried to talk to him about it? Many times. I've put it in many different ways. Including explaining that it really affects my mental health ( maybe a histrionic way to say it, but it's somewhat true) and that I find it shows lack of respect. He resentfully agrees to try harder in then it lasts for like 3 days. I feel so angry and helpless about it and I don't see myself bringing this up yet again. Nagging is generally poison for a relationship and should be avoided if at all possible.

I will also add that I am NOT neat freak by any measure. If you saw my house right now, with wood debris on the floor (from hauling in logs for the fire) and boots scattered everywhere and piles of books and crumbs on the table, etc, you would know VERY CLEARLY that I am not a neat freak by any stretch. I'm not a fan of keeping the house this way, but I can cope. It's OK. And I don't ask him to tidy up in ANY OTHER ROOM of the house. AS LONG AS I can have a tidy kitchen. Just that ONE thing. Just the kitchen. And after i clean it all up and he comes in to make some dog food or whatever and destroys is literally immediately after I clean it I feel despondent.

What do I do? I feel I can't take it anymore but leaving over a messy kitchen seems nuts too.

TL;DR My spouse won't clean up after himself in the kitchen no matter what and I've asked nicely (and not nicely) for a very long time. I can't take it. What do I do?

Submitted February 26, 2023 at 02:11PM by bokovstreetart https://ift.tt/yzvdAPT