My bf has a tendency to think that anything and everything I do is wrong.
Its worth mentioning he’s much more academically achieved than myself. He also grasps arithmetic subjects faster than I do. I’m comfortable with this, I don’t mind that he is superior in intellect to me regarding these subjects, but that doesn’t mean I’m not good at anything. That doesn’t mean I cannot surpass him in any subject.
So this winter came around and it started getting really cold and my skin started to become dehydrated. I told my bf I need a heavier moisturizer and he said I need to drink more water. I’ve had dry skin all my life, I know what I’m talking about. In the winter or in dehydrated climates, I need heavier moisturizers for my dry skin, it’s literally irritating and painful.
Then the other night I was explaining to him a cooking method, because I do the cooking in the house. He immediately starts telling me this new cooking method is not going to work. I keep telling him to just wait and see so I can show him. I’m so tired of proving myself to him.
Then tonight I was drying my hair. I have curly hair and he has straight hair. Drying curly hair is much different than you would dry straight hair. So anyways I have a problem with trying to dry my hair in a position that won’t strain my neck. So my bf says he has a better way to dry my hair without straining my neck. I say okay, tell me.
He continues to suggest a bunch of different alternatives that don’t even begin to solve my neck strain issue. In fact the position I was diffusing my hair in was the method I’ve had little to no strain in, but he still claims the position looks uncomfortable and straining. The positions he was suggesting either I have already tried (he saw me do these and complain of pain) and don’t solve my neck strain, or they don’t dry my hair fast enough making me have to sit there longer making strain more likely. So I’m sitting there for twenty minutes with wet hair trying to prepare to go out to the store explaining to him how my hair works. He says I’m wrong to be frustrated with his ‘curiosity,’ I say he’s not thinking before he speaks and wants to somehow ‘win’ the conversation.
Its such a common occurrence for him to doubt me I simply don’t bring things up to him anymore. I’m afraid to try new things because he always doubts me and questions my ability to succeed. I’ve tried to humble myself and take his suggestions too and sometimes they simply just do not work because he doesn’t understand the basics of what I’m trying to do. If I ask him for help, I’m open to suggestions, but not every time I express enthusiasm for my ambitions like cooking am I looking for suggestions. And I’m not looking to be told I’m simply not drinking enough water when it comes to being uncomfortable with my dry skin in the winter. If he wanted to make such confident suggestions I’d ask he know what he’s talking about first before just shutting me down or at least come from a humbled standpoint. I feel like he just doesn’t want me to buy a separate moisturizer or a humidifier for the room that would actually help me be in less discomfort, so he’d rather make up some bs like drink more water.
He says he’s just curious and cares for me. I told him I’d never start making unprocessed suggestions regarding his field of expertise without knowing what I’m talking about, or at least making more humbled suggestions. I’d also not initiate some long argument right before we are about to go out or right when he gets home. He says he’d be fine pulling out a text book to explain things too me, I’m telling him its tedious and condescending to question everything I do.
Its worth mentioning as well has has enabling tendencies and tends to side with other people over me. We are working on the issue but I think he simply doesn’t trust me. Its frustrating it feels like a never ending battle. I’m constantly having to prove myself to him and show him why so and so is not as great of a person as he makes them out to be and he makes every excuse for them he can and even has the audacity to tell me I’m wrong towards the person who attacked me. We’ve been in these situations a few times in fact and every time I’ve been proven right. The example I always bring up regarding this pattern with him is his mom, he hates when I bring it up, but he enabled his mom to bully me.
He makes me feel like I’m just wrong and stupid. Its condescending and belittling to question everything I do. I can’t explain interest or concern about anything to him without showing him a video on how a process works because he always thinks I’m full of it when I’m not.
TL;DR: My bf is constantly making me feel as if I am not capable of making adiquate decisions on my own. He is my bf, I do differ to him on many subjects, however he has a tendency to think anything I’m doing, especially new things or anything I struggle with in a minor way, he has a better way even if he doesn’t even know the basics of the concept. Its to the point where I have to show him videos or have long conversations to him to prove myself right regarding my methods. He says he’s doing it because he cares but for me its exhausted and belittling to have to prove myself to someone constantly.
Submitted February 15, 2023 at 02:06AM by windpearl2 https://ift.tt/NoV29Ab
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