My boyfriend said that I need to “earn” his kindness because “I’m not a princess.” I have no idea how to respond.

Hi everyone!

So I (20f) have been dating my boyfriend (21m) for 5 months now. When I met him he was rude at times but I chalked it off to the fact that a) I’m his first girlfriend b) he had a rough childhood so letting people in is not easy for him

He ended up becoming sweeter a couple of months in but I swear, he has intense moods swings with this relationship. Some days he’s the sweetest person ever and other days it feels as if I’m the biggest burden ever to him.

When he does get into these moods he tends to gets annoyed of me for no reason and I mean zero reason. At times, he has an insanely rude attitude too, which I never understood. He acts like a child with tantrums when he’s upset and it’s incredibly frustrating.

I should also mention that he is a daily(several times/day) marijuana user as well. I don’t smoke. I always thought that he would get annoyed of me because I was very high energy compared to him? I’m not sure. Well again, I gave him the benefit of the doubt and decided to ignore all of this.

I should also mention that I am not a terrible girlfriend who takes much(if anything) from him. He’s even said that I’m out of his league, many times. His friends have said it too.

I’m an engineering student who takes school seriously. I also believe that people consider me to be somewhat conventionally attractive. I think I’m good and kind to him. I get him food, drive him places, pay for his stuff, etc.

Here’s the issue I’m having, over the past week though he has done/said some incredibly questionable things. Things that make me question his character/intentions.

Saturday:

I was driving us out to a hot springs. It’s an hour and a half out and most of the drive happens to be on country roads where troopers frequent.

We decided to bring drinks as we knew we’d be there for some time. He knows I am very against having an open container in my vehicle because I can get a DUI for it, even if I’m not the one drinking it. That’s the law. I’m 20 and I abide by it. I can’t risk my future career for something like that.

What does he do? While I’m in the gas station restroom he opens a container and pours it into a cup thinking I wouldn’t notice. I come back to the car and the conversation goes like this:

Me: “hey what’s in that cup?”

Him: “oh just water I poured from the water bottle”

Me: “why is it fizzy?”

Him: “it’s not that big of a deal. Why do you even care”

We continued to argue back and forth and he pretty much said “I’m not his mom” and that I “shouldn’t care this much because everyone does it.” I do feel like his mom at this point. It’s incredibly frustrating.

I told him it’s rude and disrespectful and he called me names in return. Fun day.

Tuesday:

I come over as I had already forgiven him for Saturday’s ordeal. I was super happy and excited to see him and he commented on my mood saying he loved it. Things went 180 with his mood quickly though. He became short, annoyed, and frustrated very quickly. I didn’t know why as we were watching a movie…

I asked him why the change in mood and he said that,

“I need to earn his kindness.”

I was shocked… but I kind of ignored the comment as he says many rude things like this. He feels the need to argue/ defend himself when I confront him about it, so I’ve decided it’s not worth the fight.

Today:

I couldn’t let go of what he said. Maybe it was the last straw for me? I don’t know. I confront him in person and he defends himself, yet again saying that he won’t be nice to me because “I’m not a princess and I don’t get princess treatment.”

I never said that I was but theres no reason to say that I need to earn his kindness. That’s not how relationships work.

I abruptly walked out of his house and texted him to find another girl who’s willing to earn his kindness because that won’t be me.

He calls me 5 minutes later apologizing. He doesn’t want to break up but he’s incredibly rude. I don’t get it. This is a viscous cycle and I feel like I’m being walked all over.

I feel like I might be overreacting, but I’m not sure.

Any input on this situation would be greatly appreciated. Thank you.

TL;DR: My boyfriend told me that I need to earn his kindness because I’m not a princess. I’m at a loss for what to do.

Submitted February 23, 2023 at 10:05PM by Probablyskiingg https://ift.tt/IPQ2HyN