Ex-boyfriend (49M) left me (43F) a month and a half ago after almost 2 years together. He had gone through an organ transplant and life or death scenario in the beginning of our relationship and it truly bonded me to him. I supported him through it all and fell deeply in love. I thought and hoped we’d get married and have children, soon. One thing to know about me is, I am abnormal emotionally. I don’t have an official diagnosis so I don’t know what to call it, but I feel everything to an extreme level, and i can’t move on. I still have things from 10 years ago that hurt as raw as yesterday. I appear normal but inside the emotions are so intense and painful and couple with rumination, 24/7 thinking of him, sobbing on the floor for hours at night after work, and none of the typical things have ever worked for me, nor are they working this time. Gym, hobbies, time with family, self-care. None of it. Therapy has not worked for me either, and I’ve done decades of it with all different therapists and styles. I’m now convinced this is just how I experience the world and I was born this way. It’s just getting to be too much and my thoughts and obsessions and compulsive behaviors are getting more intense during this NC period. The abandonment is like acid in a wound. Last night I saw he’s back on the apps and it made me lose my mind again. Slept for only 1 hour and cried the other 8. I feel like as soon as he got healthier, he left to live his great life and I’m left in the dust. But then I think, no, he does love me. I should reach out. I just can’t stand this pain. I am lost. I feel like NC is widely accepted (he probably prefers it) but for someone with abandonment it feels like a pain worse than death. Should I reach out?
TLDR: Exboyfriend (49M) left me (43F) almost 2 months ago after almost 2 year relationship. Can’t get over it. Emotionally, I feel abnormal. I feel things way too much. Idk what to do. Therapy doesn’t help. I’m lost. I’m a shell. Nothing works for me, not even time. Should I reach out?
Submitted February 22, 2023 at 07:06PM by NextDelay8 https://ift.tt/f4EYBia
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