This might be long and confusing, I'm on my phone and emotionally raw.
Me and my gf (J) (f22 have been dating for a year, back in September, she got kicked out by her abusive controlling family, she gave up everything to escape them, her cat, her college education, her job and most of her belongings to get away from them.
I had just graduated from college and just got a job as an educational assistant in September, I was living in Hawaii at the time with my parents, she was in New Jersey and we're long distance. I begged my parents to let her come to Hawaii to be safe, they said no for a number of reasons including that they were moving out of their house. So from September to December, she was living in emergency housing in a hotel room, I gave her money for food and new clothes when I could, visited her during Thanksgiving and Christmas as she was dealing with depression from the whole situation.
I had only 400 dollars to my name by December and she only 40...after giving her 2000 over the months and she hadn't worked at all during the three months despite me begging her to get a job. Finally I beg my parents for help one more time and they gave me a solution, me and J move to south dakota, live in my sister's spare room, get jobs and get on our feet.
Everything was going ok at first, j and my sister got along, I got a job within a week moving there, a fast food job that paid me around the same as the education assistant job. J had an interview the following week.
Then January month goes by, she doesn't get a job. She starts doing art commissions to supplement our income but she's only able to pay for our rides (I'm still getting my license, she's afraid to get one and this South dakota town has no public transportation), then J's relationship starts to sour with my sister. Mostly to do J lying about getting medicaid filled, something she lied about to me as well.
Lying to me that she had full bottle of meds that she needs for her thyroid condition (she has a lifelong condition, along with autism and schizophrenia).
This I can forgive, she's overcoming trauma and was scared to reveal she messed up.
Halfway through February, my sister gives her an ultimatum, find a job and get out by March 1st or she's dropping her off at a women's shelter. I start Saving up as much as I can, J's going to interview after interview bit still can't get a job. My sister is pissed and at first I tried to defend her, but I tried to defend J, she's on the spectrum and it's harder for people like her to get a job at first.
That's when my sister reveals, my whole family thinks J is manipulating me and/or taking advantage of me. I again defend J as best I can while Saving up everything and getting my taxes done so we can use my tax return for the apartment we were supposed to have a tour of today.
But then Saturday, J posts on instragram, an ad for her patreon and art commissions....where she openly insults and bashes my sister.
It was 6:00 pm, I was 2 hours away from clocking out when she posted it all hells breaks lose, texts from my family all pissed, my sister saying she's officially kicked out. I get a single text from J, "what was the name of that cheap hotel you told me about?"
I call her and scream, "What we're you thinking!?" I ask this because J has asked me if she should post innocent fan art or art commissions on her social media all the time, but she posts something like that without any input!
She just answers. "I don't know, I fucked up"
I rushed home and originally was gonna go with her, but my sister begged and cried for me to stay. She begged me to stay and see J for the manipulator she was. My mother threatened to cut me off and saddle me with the student debt, she and my stepdad were paying off for me.
I'm panicking, J is crying and trying to apologize and I'm trying to think. Like a coward, I told her she has to go on her own, I pay for her to have a motel 6 room until Tuesday.
When I get home, my sister dropped a bombshell on me, she found a massive beer can (the really big ones the size of monster energies), I never bought it, I rarely drink and J is a lightweight to alcohol...or so I thought...because J admitted it was hers. She bought it during an interview and snuck it into our room. It was completely empty when found, why she hid it from me?
I don't know, if she asked about it or even just went. "Can I try this lol?" And everyone would have been ok with it.
But her hiding it makes me rethink things, like did she post it because she was drunk off her ass, is she drinking more and has a drinking problem? I don't know because she hid this from me completely and I had no idea!
I start looking into other things she told me.
My college doesn't have online classes, I had to drop out. (Lie, right on their website there are options for distance learning)
I have autism, (she has flip flooped from saying she has autism, asbergers and adhd)
Why her grandmother kicked her out (flip flooped, from wouldn't sign over power of attorney over her, dispute over money, to three other goddamn things)
She claims she only sipped the beer and poured the rest down the train, but I don't know if I can't trust that anymore.
I don't know if I can trust HER anymore.
After the chaos of Saturday, I wake up to Sunday exhausted and not sure what to believe. I felt somehow gaslight by both J and my family at the same time
I go to the motel 6, to talk, I as wanted to question the above. She only answers with three things.
- I don't know
- I don't belong with people anymore
- I'm a piece of shit
I told her honestly, I don't know how we can move forward, I don't know if I can trust her. But that I'm willing to work on our relationship and put the work into being with her.
She responds with I don't know.
I told her, she needs to start giving a shit about herself, but I can't bail her out anymore.
I thought our relationship was over and went home and cried and cried. After a crying myself into a nap, J starts texting me. She apologizes and starts saying "I give up, forget me" stuff like that.
I call in a wellness check from the police, they take her into the emergency room for a psyche evaluation. From what the police told me, willingly
I'm both terrified and relieved, as much as I am a piece of shit to say, that she's in safe hands and she can get the help she needs to start her life...with or without me.
Until an hour ago, she calls me like everything is normal asking me to pick her up as they checked her out of the E.R (at 10:00 pm at night!) Saying she's all fine, she isn't getting the help she needs, no social workers, no nothing even though she was possibly suicidal yesterday.
She's currently heading to a shelter, and I'm not sure what to do. I both want to make things work and call it quits, I miss her but am pissed at her, I hate sleeping in an empty bed again but I'm doing that because she fucked everything up, either in a moment of stupidity beyond reckoning or as part of a drinking problem she's hiding from me.
I don't know anymore, I feel like an utter bastard and like I'm abandoning her...but I don't know to help her...I'm starting to think my sister is right and she took advantage of me.
Idk what to I should do or I even can do something?
I could use any ideas or thoughts
Tl;dr: my girlfriend blew up our living situation and our relationship over night, by bashing the person housing us online. Should I help her and how can I?
Submitted February 27, 2023 at 10:28PM by Gundam-J https://ift.tt/6tkKrwG
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