Hi all, so it’s the typical “DNA test” gone wrong story! Sorry for bad formatting or misspelling I promise I am usually more on the ball but I’m shocked - I found out about 30 minutes ago
Basically I have lived my entire life thinking it was just me, my sister [25F] and my divorced parents ( Dad [60’sM] and mother [50’s F])
My parents divorced when I was around 7 and there was a lot of family trauma from his new wife. My sister is now pretty much no contact with him and has been for 3 years.
I’ve suffered from health issues my entire life, my other family doesn’t know why I got the bad end of the stick health wise.
After a surgery gone wrong at the start of this year (breast reduction not a major complication just a bunch of infections and necrosis) I decided I wanted to have a closer look at those random gene traits that DNA tests offer, I didn’t much care about family members or heritage because I’m a New Zealander and I (thought) I knew who my family was so I didn’t care.
I told my entire family I was doing one, even told my dad and joked that if there was any dark secrets in our family, to tell me now. He said that there wasn’t and I sent away my test.
Last night I got my results back and at first had a fun time looking at food groups and the genotype for sprinters gene. Then I saw a man who had 21% shared DNA, ancestry classified this as a 1st cousin so I originally sent a few photos to my dad of his profile and enquired about this as my mother only has half siblings (from my grandmothers first marriage)
I woke up this morning to chaos. My dad replied telling me that it’s a long story and that my mother knows all about it and to not contact the man or answer any messages from him. I immediatly called my father and got confirmation that he is my half brother and my dad said he would speak to me face to face but I hung up before a time could be reached since it’s all too much.
My mum claims she had no clue about this but has a small memory of seeing a letter from a woman claiming to have given birth to his child before my sister and I were even born but that it’s very fuzzy.
I am already in therapy but my next appointment is over a week away. I have contacted to ask to be on the cancellation list until then.
I am honestly spiraling, this man had no father figure since I know my dad didn’t sneak off to visit him before the divorce. Was I raised at the expense of another human? Is my dad a horrible person for just ditching a child ? I assume he paid child support but what if he was a deadbeat?
Why did no one tell me the truth? Why am I not allowed to contact him? How can I even look my father in the face to have an in person discussion when I just feel lied to? I even told him I was doing a DNA test at the start.
In my country DNA tests aren’t popular or common so he must have thought he could get away with it. However this man did one so he must want to know something about his family. My paternal grandparents are dead and my dad only has two sisters that have no children and do what he tells them to do. My sister wants nothing to do with this as she has already cut off my dad. I don’t even know if I want a relationship with this person but I’m the only person who would be willing to answer questions he has.
What do I do?
TL;DR - DNA test shows I have a half sibling. Dad (the mutual parent) says not to go near the man or to talk to him. My world is overturned and I don’t know what to do
Submitted June 06, 2022 at 05:04PM by InLoveWithMusic https://ift.tt/k5iOymA
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