My new bf went through a breakup with this girl towards the end of November of last year. His reasoning was that he just wasn't in love with her anymore. I met him in March and we kind of became a couple in April. He kept telling me that I'm not a rebound but I'm really not so sure. Every now and then I see him stalking her on social media. I look at his phone and it's her Instagram on the screen or her Twitter account on the screen.
A few weeks ago he was feeling really down but wouldn't tell me why. Then while we were watching Mandalorian again, I looked over at what he was doing on his phone. He was searching his ex's name on Facebook and nothing was coming up. So I looked her up on my Facebook and she came up for me. She blocked him completely it seems like and he's been in a mood since then.
Before all this, he talked to her in May and tried apologizing to her. I didn't read through the texts at first but after he apologized, he was pretty dodgy with the questions I asked him. Then I looked through the conversation. He was talking to her in a deep way he never spoke to me. He says he's in love with me but seeing the way he apologized to this girl, I just don't know. It was too emotional. Too raw. It felt like things were left unfinished.
But here I am still with him.
Now here's where it starts to get weird. He gets me little gifts all the time. Like vintage makeup compacts, vintage books, expensive makeup, out of print old movies. And like it's nice I guess, but I never indicated that I like any of these things. Something inside me told me to look up his ex. So I look her up. Turns out, she likes all of these things! She's all about vintage styling and is a huge old movie buff. One of her most recent posts on Instagram was about her favorite older movies.
As I dive deeper into her Instagram, I notice something more disturbing. The clothes she wears, he gets me clothes that are similar to hers and he also suggests outfit ideas that she would wear. He also says that I should do my eyebrows a certain way or do my makeup this way. He says my lash extensions are trashy and that his ex never had lash extensions because she is classy. I bring up how he's trying to make me into his ex but then he makes fun of me for even thinking that. He says that his ex is crazy and is out to get him. Then to make it crazier, he shows me her REDDIT and TWITTER accounts!
He has been stalking her on EVERY SOCIAL MEDIA THIS ENTIRE TIME! So I look through her socials too. On Reddit, she's written some posts on some of the abuse subs talking about how my bf belittles her, how he made harmful assumptions about her, how much he hurt her, and she discussed his manic episodes. She talks about how she changed her entire diet and exercise routine so that she could start preparing for a healthy pregnancy. She even went back to school to get a masters so that she could support my bf because my bf is at this job that's awful but he refuses to look for something new. His job has been a huge fighting point in our relationship. It's a data entry nightshift job and he just refuses to look for another job. We live in one of the biggest cities in the US. He can easily get another job.
He keeps telling me he's crazy, but the more I read through her social media accounts, the more I see someone who was hurt and who was really very invested in this man. She did things that I would never do. She put in so much work going back to school, bettering herself spiritually, reading up on all kinds of books and psychology articles to become a better girlfriend and eventually wife and then mother. She even had over 100k in savings and investments for him and her to have a good life.
The more I keep reading about her, the more I'm convinced that my bf is an emotional abuser and that he's probably not over her.
What should I do? Is it even worth it to stay with this man? Am I really a rebound? Is he also going to abuse me emotionally?
I don't know what to do. I feel like I'm constantly being compared to a woman I don't really know. And that too a woman my bf swears up and down to not be in love with anymore. He says all the time that he doesn't want her and that she's needy. But then last week I asked him when we were going out to see Eternals and he snapped at me and said that I want too much of his time.
Please help me. I don't want to break up with him. I don't want to be heartbroken again. I just don't know what to do.
TL;DR my bf is trying to make me a carbon copy of his ex and I don't know what to do.
Submitted December 05, 2021 at 09:24PM by throwaway11192069 https://ift.tt/3EsV92h
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