I (M35) I have been dating my SO (F33) for about 18 years now and we were planning to get married (married on paper) once COVID is officially behind us. However, we've been going through a rough patch this year and as a result my SO moved out and it just doesn't seem like I can do anything to patch our relationship issues and I'm turning to strangers on the internet for some advice.
For background, we met in high school and we've been dating ever since. I always knew she is the one for me and I will always love her and our beautiful son. We've clearly had our ups and downs throughout our relationship and in most cases we talk through it and make up over time. However, my SO has always been the type who keeps all the small stuff vented up inside of her and overtime all of this comes out when there is a major triggering point. I'm the type that doesn't hold back and says things as is so I don't keep stuff inside of me and I always communicate how I feel whether good or bad. I work as an investment banker so I work very long hours and she's always been supportive of this and my career growth. She understood that I couldn't spend a lot of time with her and over time, she's found other ways to go vacation and attend events with her friends and we were able to make this work.
Recently, we've had one of those triggering moments which I don't believe was grounds for separation but it ultimately did lead to it. To break it down, my SO forgot to take her bag with her to work which contained her wallet and our house key. When she got home from work, she could not get into our house because she didn't have the key. I happen to be attending a friend's birthday event after work that day but she calls me up and asks me to come home right away to let her in as she's waiting at the house. Now there was some miscommunication here because I'm pretty sure I asked if she could wait at our friends house nearby and I can be home in a bit to let her in so I thought I had a little bit more time to speak to my friends before I head out. Thirty minutes later she calls and asks me where I am and she's been waiting at the house all this time. I told her I'm leaving right away and of course there's a lot of traffic and it takes me over an hour to get home. She's pissed at this point and she doesn't care about the miscommunication. All she cares is that she forgot her key and I didn't come home right away to let her into the house. She comments how I'm no longer a priority in her life and I'd rather spend time with my friends over her. All hell breaks loose and everything I've done wrong comes out in the past over the next few weeks. She also commented that she doesn't find me attractive anymore, she doesn't love me anymore like she used to and our relationship doesn't feel like other married couples who can rely on each other. She felt we were more like mutual partners as we kept separate finances (which we agreed to do) whereas others have joint bank accounts. She felt financial burdened because of this paying 50/50 as I made more money than her which is fair but I wish she suggested it earlier on than brushing it off and bringing it up later on. She wanted me to take more care of my health by visiting the doctors for annual checkups and when I get sick. And overall, she doesn't feel we are compatible anymore. And with that she moved out one random day when I was at work. She didn't want to reconcile and she wanted to separate. Her friends say that I should give her some space but I don't think it's really working out because she's reached out to me for divorce this month and now they are saying that I should move on. She doesn't want anything from me but wants to move on with her life but we'd mutually take care of our son. I gave her space for about 2 months and we'd only communicate when it involved our son and ignores me on all other topics. She doesn't want to go on dates and doesn't want gifts but just want to move on. I've suggested we go to counseling together but she doesn't want any part of it and at this point I'm not sure what I can do but wait and hope she'll come around. It's been a rough year and I've been so struck by this and it's been hard to recover and so confused as to where I go from here.
TL;DR: SO (F33) & I (M35) have been dating for 18 years and we have a son we love. SO has the tendency to hold small grudges over time and blow up when we have a large argument. We recently had an argument which resulted in every prior issues we had coming out. She didn't want to reconcile and wanted to separate. She moved out and now wants to consider divorce. As a guy, I'm so confused on what to do and where to go from here...
Submitted December 18, 2021 at 08:18PM by wannacontractfree https://ift.tt/3p9ZFO9
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