My [20F] boyfriend [21M] accidentally hurt me during sex as a “joke” and I’m feeling conflicted about how he handled it afterwards.

Me and him have been together for about 4 months. Last night we were supposed to have sex in doggystyle but he wasn’t able to get his penis in because I wasn’t warmed up. About 15 minutes prior to this, he found a bubble blower under my bed that I use for masturbation and set it on the bed. I asked him if he wanted me to use it in front of him, and he said no. So I put the toy somewhere else on the bed where it was out of sight.

Because I wasn’t really wet enough, I put Vaseline down there so he could get into me. I bent over expecting him to try to re-insert his penis but something felt off and it was really painful. I turned around to him inserting the bubble blower into me and he immediately hid it and laughed. He said he was trying to play a joke on me. I know we’d discussed that I use it on myself from time to time, but it really bothered me that he put it inside of me without saying anything and being sneaky about it. I guess his joke was to have me think it was him inside of me instead of the toy and that could somehow be funny?

Anyways, after I see what he just did to me I felt really disrespected and sick to my stomach so I just laid down trying to process it. He laid next to me and apologized but I noticed he kept saying it was just a joke and it’s not that serious. I ended up being really silent for a while and then I grabbed the toy and told him “don’t touch this again.” He then told me that I shouldn’t talk to him in that way just because I’m upset, and instead I should ask politely.

I honestly wasn’t trying to give him the silent treatment, but I had to process what happened because it was a lot to think about. That’s when he started becoming cold towards me as well. We had plans to drink so I brought the alcohol to the bed and he told me “it’s fine, forget it. You’re clearly mad.” So we just sat in silence next to each other and instead of verbally speaking, I texted him because sometimes we text when we’re right next to each other. I told him that I wasn’t trying to sit in silence for the whole night so does he want to at least drink.

Our text conversation continued and eventually he gets around to telling me that I’m turning my back on him like everyone else in his life does. He starts saying that I’m treating him badly and he apologized. I then told him that I feel like I’m not allowed to be upset and express my feelings. He then said “no, men aren’t allowed”..

At this point I became frustrated with trying to communicate and understand him. He was complaining that I wasn’t talking to him but he wasn’t talking to me either. I just decided to act like everything was fine because it seemed like he understood nothing I was saying. It’s possible that we move on from this, as long as our communication gets better. I feel like he is not able to accept responsibility for what wrongs he does to me, and then gets upset at me for being upset.

Right now, things seem to be going okay. We’re getting along but we never really got anywhere because he gets defense quickly and just keeps saying “it was a joke”

I believe I’m a mature person who likes to consider the feelings of others (sometimes too much) and am able to communicate and articulate my thoughts and feelings. The problem could be that my boyfriend does not have as large as a vocabulary as I do, and gets lost in translation so to speak. He is a huge jokester for the most part.

So I want to know, what is the best way for me to handle this situation? Should I have had a more gentle and less passive aggressive reaction, could that maybe have made a difference?

TL;DR: boyfriend jokingly inserted an object in me I usually use for masturbation without telling me he was going to. Feel disrespected and he’s being invalidating.

Submitted August 03, 2021 at 07:20AM by pinkiesftwx https://ift.tt/2WLs2pX