How can I (or should I even) [17F] tell my friend of 3 years [18F] that her desperation is unhealthy and drives men away?

I love my friend, but almost all she talks and thinks about is boys.

Without getting into it too much, her family was unloving growing up. She is deeply depressed to the point of suicidal thoughts (and because someone might bring this up: she refuses to seek professional help). She has this notion that getting a man will solve all her problems like a Disney movie.

We recently went to get our nails done on girls' night out, and the entire time, she was asking me for advice about how to meet boys, how to talk to them, etc. and talking about her romantic fantasies. I almost cried at her that every single conversation we have these days turns to the topic of boys. I ask about her day and she tells me that her cashier at McDonald's was extra cute today. I ask her how she's doing and she says she's sad, lonely, and horny. It's become her whole personality.

The issue is twofold. 1- I am brutally underqualified to be giving romantic advice. I had one boyfriend when I was 16 and he was 22. During the relationship, he confessed to me that he doesn't feel empathy when he hurts me or other people, and he violated my consent several times. Despite this, I had no thoughts of leaving him, and I was devastated when he left me. In retrospect, I recognize that this means I have a lot of working on myself to do before I get romantically involved.

The only reason I might be qualified to give advice is that I can talk to men I like without issue. It's like, they're just dudes. Their shit stinks and they have insecurities, but they're fun to talk to.

2- Her boy obsession is not only annoying, but also detrimental to her goal. I've seen her become so awkward in front of an attractive man that she stutters and- literally- screeches at them when she talks to them in person. Yes, she screeches at people she doesn't know, it's that bad. I ask her about it later, and she says she was nervous.

That's where I stand. When she asks my advice, the answer I don't tell her is, "I can't help you, especially not in the state you're in. Please stop asking for advice."

What should I do?

tl;dr: My friend thinks a boyfriend will solve her problems and she keeps asking me for advice, but I don't know what to tell her. I'm not an expert, but I think she needs a huge change in mindset.

Submitted August 03, 2021 at 01:04AM by friendzr4 https://ift.tt/2WI54jw