Ex-Girlfriend (27F) accusing me (27M) of abuse on social media. When I tried to call her out on it, she made a huge deal publicly as if I was harassing her, and said she was 'scared of me'. I am just not sure what to do. A huge chunk of my friends have stopped talking to me.

Went out with Janelle for 2 years. Things just got progressively worse with her. She had a LOT of bad shit happen to her in a short period of time (lost multiple family to covid) and she seemingly took a lot of her anger and frustrations out on me. She also was drinking and doing Adderall a lot. I wanted to break up with her for a long time but felt horrible about breaking up with her when she was still recovering from her loss. But eventually it just got too much. I wasn't entirely some saintly victim in the relationship, I lied to her about stuff near the end, mostly because I always felt like I had to sanitize everything to avoid her getting mad at me. I also, near the end, was just distant to her when she wanted me to be closer. But I am not gonna play the modest card and pretend it wasn't a very one sided relationship in that regard. She just became a very neurotic, emotionally charged, angry person and I wasn't gonna sacrifice my mental health to stay with her and somehow wait for it to blow over. But when I DID break up with her, she was furious with me, like just absolutely enraged, and called me all kinds of things and acted like I was a terrible person for breaking up with her after her family died (note: this was 6-7 months after). I honestly don't think I have ever seen anyone that angry in my life, and I felt like I was so glad I had seen that because it felt like I had dodged a bullet.

​

Within days, she wrote a facebook status about how I was abusive to her. A very long one about how she struggled in fear from me and that I was controlling and aggressive with her. She detailed a story about how I apparently would make fun of her for her dead dad, and that I used to bully her for being ugly, and that I used to threaten to hurt her physically when she did something wrong, and ALLLLL this other stuff. It wasn't just 'he abused me', it wasn't just hyperbole about real events, it was telling multiple stories about events which objectively did not happen. Part of me was like, well jeez, this seems pretty stupid and easily disproven, but then I realized, how the hell would I disprove any of this? Like sure, me apparently 'pushing her against a wall' and telling her to shut her mouth or I would slap her? That didn't happen. But in her story, this happened in our apartment, so who the fuck is there besides me to say it didn't?

​

My ex-gf had blocked me. My friend was the one who sent me the post. I made a surrogate post through my friend, on the post, saying that what she was saying was lies, and that I understand if she upset but I really wish she would just talk to me instead of lashing out like this, and that there were things she said which were objectively not true, and that I really hoped she would talk to me to understand why I broke up with her so she doesn't feel like she has to be so angry at me to make stuff up like this. I didn't want to be too hostile, but truth be told, I was legit shaking in fear/anger at her over this while writing it. I was crying at the idea of so many people seeing what she wrote. The idea of my entire social life being destroyed. She just deleted her original post when she saw the comment, reposted it, but blocked my friend (I had another friend sent me the new post). Her new post included a post at the end (along with the same post from before) about how I apparently sent people to harass her and victim blame her. That was the post which 'blew up' in terms of responses. A lot of comments, like scores of comments, were sympathetic to her. People that I had known for years, people I had been close with in the past.

​

Its been 4 days. There's been a firestorm of controversy in my general friend group, with a lot of people basically... not taking my side. It is very much split down between people who knew us as a couple more, and people who didn't. The idea of anyone finding me to be the way she described makes my stomach churn. I just cant stop crying and feeling like my social life is over. I have 'allies', people who were close to us that saw that she was unstable and aggressive in our relationship and know that its lies, but it feels like its really not enough.

​

I just feel completely and utterly down. I have never felt this down in my life. This shameful and embarrassed and horrified. Its not true, what she said, and yet, I still have to live with the shame of so, so many people thinking it is true. I was NEVER friendly with my dad, he was involved in organized crime for most of my life, but he sort of rehabbed to become closer with me. He met her and told me that she was crazy the moment he met her, and I was angry at him, but now ever since this whole mess I've been closer to him than ever. I feel oddly enough like he is my closest friend, despite us never getting along historically. Even just hanging out with my normal friends, even those which side with me, feels bad. Because I know they are taking a 'risk' by even hanging out with me, because they are friends with people who don't approve of us hanging out. I just want to slink away, I don't want to create this rift. I don't want to break my friend group apart between people who want to hang out with me and those who don't. I would rather they just all get along without me, even if it means my friends who believe me saying they don't believe me. I HATE the idea of my friends sacrificing their own relationships for me.

​

I don't know what to do. I just don't. Janelle (ex) is not gonna take this stuff back. Is my life just ruined?? Am I just a fucking goner socially?

​

TL;DR - - ex girlfriend spread lies that I abused her because I broke up with her after her family died. Now a lot of people don't want anything to do with me socially.

Submitted August 24, 2021 at 10:52PM by turyle1357 https://ift.tt/38cCHN0