Married 3 years. Both 30 years old.
We have a two month old baby and my mum moved in with us to help out before lockdown hit - which has been really useful, especially when he’s at work. I often ask her for advice with baby. She often steps in to help if baby is upset or unwell.
My husband ended up getting incredibly angry with me the other day when I couldn’t soothe baby and ended up giving her to my mum who tends to be good at this. I don’t know where it came from, as he’s only ever been grateful for my mums help, but he said I “give up on parenting easily” and that I should be able to parent baby myself. He essentially implied that I should know what I’m doing more and should stop running to her.
(By the way.... it’s kind of a joke as his mother is THE most overbearing woman I know. She refers to baby as hers and is constantly giving unsolicited advice in the countless messages and calls. So I don’t know.)
So today we argued about it because we hadn’t really had a chance to discuss what happened. He was justifying himself, saying that he feels like we should be able to parent by ourselves and it makes him feel like we are incompetent etc. by asking for help “so quickly”. Even though it was just one occasion and he even admitted that my mum has been super helpful. He said that time it particularly bothered him.
He proceeded to essentially tell me I don’t act like a mother or know what I’m doing and I got upset and said something I maybe shouldn’t have, which was that my mum has been way more helpful with the baby than him and that if he wanted to leave we would be perfectly capable of looking after her. I know, I shouldn’t have said that and I’m sorry but that was after being directly told I’m a crappy mother.
Of course at this point he got upset because he tends to only truly care when his feelings are hurt. He’s been moping in bed in the spare room for the last few hours. I’ve asked him to eat and he said no.
I spoke to my mum about everything and she’s taken a step back today to try and make him feel better! So I went and asked him to look after baby. And he won’t. He’s refusing to come downstairs. He said “as you said it wouldn’t make a difference if I was there or not” and told me to leave him alone. I asked him to grow up and help me with the baby as he’d said he wanted to do earlier - and he just put the pillow over his head. I even told him I wanted him to look after her as it would make him feel better and he literally scoffed at me.
So I’m here alone with the baby and he’s literally refusing to help despite his outbursts because he’s moping and feeling sorry for myself. I just don’t know what to do. I feel like I’m being punished for saying one thing after being attacked on multiple. I didn’t even say he was a bad dad. And I’m worried at how he’s literally allowing his sulking to come above our baby like he’s proving a point. I don’t know what to do?
It’s coming up to night time and I have a feeling he’s not going to stay in our room tonight just to prove to me what I said was wrong or something. Night times can be a struggle and honestly he’s not functional overnight but does occasionally help with nappies etc in the early morning if he wakes up and honestly I just appreciate the cuddles. But I don’t want to go begging for him to help again when I’ve already been so many times.
tldr Husband apparently annoyed at my mums help with newborn. Insulted my parenting. Now moping because I retaliate that we don’t need him to look after baby, and won’t look after baby.
Submitted January 01, 2021 at 03:10PM by throwra754895 https://ift.tt/3hwsTRS
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