Is it reasonable to want my partner to find me attractive when I am objectively not?

TLDR: I am unattractive but I really have the desire for my partner to find me attractive. Is it reasonable?

Just for some info I am a male in my early 20s. Starting a few years back I noticed people would make really negative comments about my looks. At first I didn't really pay much attention to them since I was decently secure in my looks, but over time I realized that people are saying this stuff for a reason. Just for context some of the comments are for example me overhearing people saying my looks are "Bottom of the barrel" or my ex saying I was a 3/10, or people turning to me and saying "and you're a good person" right after calling all the friends I was with hot.

I am not disfigured and do what I can to be presentable, just for myself at this point really. I dress well, go to the gym regularly, and stay well groomed.

But the issue is I don't know if some of the things I want are reasonable or even possible. I want a girl to look at me and smile and say I am handsome or cute and mean it. (Maybe even say she thinks I'm hot lol) But I know that if I have any relationships it will be a result of who I am as a person. So yes my partner will have attraction towards me, but they won't necessarily find me cute/handsome. And that is what I have seen and experienced multiple times now.

So is it reasonable for someone who looks the way I do to want a partner to find me physically attractive? Or am I again setting my self up for dissapointment?

Edit:

Thank you all for your thoughts and advice :)

A lot of you have said that developing feeling and emotional bonds influence attraction. I have experienced that first hand. People have told me they weren't attracted to me untill they got to know me. But even then they never called me cute or anything and they would always say my looks didn't matter. They said they weren't with me for how I looked, they were with me for who I was. But then they would always compliment their exes or other guys and call them hot :(

Anyways I think I am going to go focus on work and my goals for a bit. I'm getting in my own head and feeling like I won't ever be good enough. So if the choice is being lonely or being compared and ranked against others dudes I can't compete with then I'll take being lonely lmao.

Thank you all

Submitted January 22, 2021 at 12:13PM by tomuchless https://ift.tt/3oatLx5