My partner and I have been together for 3 years. We are lucky to live in a warm place, with a very sizable backyard in a city where a lot of folks dont. This has made it possible for us to host socially distanced backyard hangouts. At MOST we will have two people over at a time, always a couple.
I consider myself an introverted extrovert, in that a healthy idea of a nice time for me with a friend is seeing a movie, getting coffee, or dinner at a reasonable hour. I also have OCD and a history of substance abuse, but was only diagnosed a year and a half ago, so asserting boundaries is still pretty fresh to me.
My SO (bless his soul) has a lot more energy and bandwidth to socialize than I do. He’s a TERRIFIC host, and his hospitality used to be quite attractive to me.
The issue is that since COVID started, he arranges socially distanced hangouts about twice a week. To me, entertaining people twice a week is a LOT even under normal circumstances; he’s very meticulous about preparation and “making things nice” in a way that I just.... don’t really care about as much. I have other ways to have fun with and show loved ones that I care about them. I get roped into picking up stuff from the store, arranging everything outside. Not to mention that maintaining conversation for 3 (sometimes up to 4) hours is incredibly draining, and Ive come to realize I dont gel so wel with a couple of friends.
The past week was pretty rough for me. There were two hangouts within three days during which topics were brought up that were rather sensitive to me. I became extremely triggered and have been “off” for a week. After some introspection and conversation with a therapist, Ive come to the conclusion that these gatherings are draining me more than I realize, even if nothing “bad” happens. A stable, calm living space is VERY important to me.
We signed a lease to live together as partners, and these backyard hangouts weren’t part of the deal. SO loves me and wants to support my mental health, but I need to tell him that I need a break from “entertaining”, and badly, but Im not sure how. I’m concerned about how he’s going to react, and I don’t want him to feel like I’m dictating or isolating him, but its my time, space and resources as well. Any advice about how to navigate this would be appreciated!
Tldr; SO and I have been hosting friends in backyard, 99% initiated by him. I just realized that its starting to affect my mental health rather negatively
Submitted January 20, 2021 at 07:25PM by SnowBooks6253 https://ift.tt/361PalT
No comments:
Post a Comment