Tl;dr: girlfriend of 2.5 years has all these rules and gets upset if I forget cuz she thinks I’m doing it to piss her off so she retaliates to annoy me.
Backstory: girlfriend and I have been together for 2.5 years, and have been living together for 6 months. We really thought we were ready but It was not easy to transition and we’ve had big fights over small things but managed to iron out a plan for house management. However, as things have progressed she had tacked on more rules, some reasonable some I find a bit nitpicky. The problem is anytime I don’t follow a rule I get a lecture about it and she begins to take it personally and say I don’t care about her. I’ve made steps to fix my behavior but one slip up and it invalidates all the work I’ve done. It’s like I lost all my chances in beginning and now I have to be perfect in everything.
Now I’ve been diagnosed as ADHD as an adult (when I couldn’t focus in college for the life in me) and I don’t wanna use it as an excuse to not clean up after myself but I think it should be considered when trying to decide if im willfully not complying to spite someone(which I’m not, I just forget things or not notice things). I’ll often forget to close a closet door or change the toilet paper roll once in a while, you know small stuff. But when it comes to scheduled cleanings I’m always on top of it.
The argument that really escalated was just recently. I put a pack of deli meat in the fridge, it was open so I tried to fold it in a way so nothing would leak from it but it seems I screwed up cuz a lot of water leaked out inside the fridge. I take full responsibility and say it was my mistake.
But my girlfriend reaction really pissed me off cuz she yelled at me, said how she was warned me repeatedly and that there’s no way I could forget, I’m just doing this to spite her. She cites things like I don’t forget going to the gym (which I do), or play video games.
So I tried to let her cool off and I come back to her later and she seems better so we began talking, and she randomly tells me if I can throw away my old shirts cuz they have holes, I admit one does but the other has a tiny hole in armpit but I use it for sleeping and the actual material is fine. She says show me. I bring it and she just rips it in half from the hole and says now you have to throw it away.
Im pissed. It’s not the shirt it’s the complete lack of respect for my stuff and the fact she did it on purpose cuz she’s upset. She then tells me “this is how it feels when you don’t listen to me”.
Later in the night I tried to make amends and she wants me to admit I was wrong, even though I apologized already but I did again. Then I wanted her to apologize for the shirt and she said sorry and I told her I felt disrespected cuz she did it on purpose so she got mad. She said if I say that I didn’t leave the deli meat open in the fridge on purpose, then she didn’t rip my shirt on purpose. I just left it alone cuz it’s late.
Now I’m at a loss here. What do I do? Should I have a serious conversation with her about this stuff? And if she refuses or gets belligerent should I call it quits? I love her and we work well together overall but it seems like I’m just not up to her standards and am causing her too much stress that just loving her is not a good enough reason to continue the relationship.
Submitted January 22, 2021 at 06:06AM by throwra19911231 https://ift.tt/3iBXaPz
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