After our parents died my brother abandoned me in an orphanage and years later I turn him away when he needs help, I feel bad

When my(27m)folks died when I was around 9 and my brother 15 me and him were sent to live in an orphanage cause nobody in either side would take us and it was hell there but I didn't care cause I had my older brother(33m) with me. We never got adopted cause most folks was babies or toddlers and eventually my brother aged out of there but he managed to find work and stuck around for a little bit and would visit but he just couldn't afford to take me in When I was 14 my brother told me that he had found a job and would be away for about a year but that he would stay in contact and visit at every opportunity, however we'd only talk for a couple of months before he vanished completely. A year went by and there was no sight of him, then another year passed and still now word. I was abandoned. When I was 18 I tried looking for him but had no such luck, I thought he had died truth be told or in prison somewhere but I couldn't find a trace. A few months ago I was coming home from work and a stranger came up to me and it was my brother. He managed to find me, I was shocked to say the least. He looked very sickly and looked like he was sleeping rough. He told me he couldn't handle the pressure of the job he had and turned to drugs and he asked me for help as he was now homeless. I turned him away and now I just feel dreadful about it all, just seeing his face tore me up. He chose drugs over me but now how am I no better than him? abandoning him when he needs me like when I needed him. I feel terrible, I've been stewing on this for a few months but I've been playing uncharted 4 and it got to the bit where nate sees Sam again and I just can't help but think of me and my brother

Any advice on how I can move past this?

Tldr: parents dead, brother disappeared and then came back as a homeless junkie

Submitted January 21, 2021 at 07:10PM by throwawayleftbehind https://ift.tt/363WRrJ