To give a little context and backstory, I am a 40/M and she is a 37/F. Both of us have been married and divorced previously (mine was final almost 7 years ago, hers almost 3). We've both dated but never really went anywhere with anyone else. We both have children - I have one who is 15 and she has two at 13 and 5 respectively. Both of us have secure careers and are doing well for ourselves. We met 7 months ago and absolutely hit it off - everything just clicked right from the beginning. It has been the most amazing thing through and through. So after weeks of talking about what-if scenarios - we both realized that we wanted to spend the rest of our lives together.
Flash forward to 3 weeks ago. We have a long talk about all of the things that might be outstanding or need to be addressed if we were to get engaged. She told me that she had told her family all about us and everyone was supportive and happy for her. I hadn't met all of her family due to distance, but there wasn't exactly a lack of social media posts of the two of us (or all of us as a family) and I knew she talked to them a lot. We decided to set a date of a year from now so we would have time to plan and also meet everyone. So no concerns here or on her side, I proceeded to get the ring and pop the question. Happiest night of my life. Everything seemed great.
Except now things are changing. Took her parents out to dinner a few days ago and it could best be described as an ice wall. They were downright cold and somewhat rude. They had their meal, exchanged some small talk, and were on their way after their last bite. I asked my fiancé later if something was wrong because that had to be as uncomfortable for her as it was me. She dismissed it and moved on to another topic. I brought it back up later and she said that her parents were just worried for the kids and everything was fine. I recognized the concern - as any parent/grandparent should be - but asked why and what I could do to help ease their concerns. I received no response.
Then yesterday, she was on the phone with her mother as she was getting ready for us to go out for dinner and I heard her mother ask her if she had told anyone else about the engagement. My fiancé replied that everyone of her friends and coworkers knew, but she hadn't said anything to her aunts and uncles. This was shocking to me because with Thanksgiving coming up, we were supposed to be going to a small gathering with these same people. The conversation apparently went off the rails there because she took the call off speakerphone. She wasn't the same after that and has been detached and completely not anywhere near her usual self. Short replies, completely different tone in conversation.
I don't know what's going on and it's ripping me apart. This is supposed to be a happy time for us both and I just don't know what's going on or even how I can approach it. I can't get responses to questions, I can't get her to talk about what might be going on and what I can do to help. Thanksgiving is coming up, we are supposed to be there as a couple and it feels like I'm walking into the hornets nest and not knowing isn't helping anything. My mind is racing on all of the possible reasons this could be happening and they don't end up at a good place, any of them.
I don't know what to do? I don't want to be questioning everything but I really can't make sense of this and why it's happening. Maybe I'm overlooking some reasonable explanation but it doesn't help that things have went detached the past couple days.
TL;DR! - Just got engaged to an amazing woman, then things got weird real fast about the engagement with her family - after being assured everyone was happy and on board prior to the engagement. Now she's detached and not communicating about it.
Submitted November 23, 2020 at 09:52AM by InKnots11 https://ift.tt/2HzKPgY
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