My [31F] partner [35M] and I have been together for four years. We're doing distance right now while I'm at graduate school, which of course is especially hard with covid because we haven't seen each other since the summer. But, even before I came back to school, I've been feeling on the fence about our relationship. Have been, actually, for more than a year. There are MANY good reasons to stay in partnership: our life is stable, we share many interests and hobbies, he is generous, and very much wants to be with me. He has said he will move for my career, have the kids I want to have, live close to my parents, etc. Basically any logistical compromise in our life he has offered to make.
Despite this, I just don't feel excited about our future. We are not engaged, even though he's expressed interest in becoming so. Recently he mentioned that he can't wait to have sex when we're reunited over the holidays and I felt nothing but dread. I am not excited about our future, but can also see how it would work out, and it's not a terrible life. I'm just not in love. I can't tell if I'm unhappy with him, or if I'm just depressed in general because of... 2020.
We were very in love when we first met. I know the first infatuation is it's own thing... But it is possible to fall back in love with someone? I'm worried that I'll spend the rest of my life a) regretting that I didn't seek out the most emotionally fulfilling partnership for myself/have "settled", or b) alone, wondering why the hell I gave up something that really wasn't that "bad."
I understand relationships take work. I've read the books, we make time for each other, send gifts, etc. We practice all of the love languages, even when it feels a bit rote (on my end). I try to actively support him and make him feel loved. (Though this, in turn, makes me very anxious... is it false advertising??)
TL;DR: I am on the fence about my relationship. If I could fall back in love, I would want to stay. But is that possible?
Submitted November 01, 2020 at 11:42AM by Safe_Sell2041 https://ift.tt/3eg9fru
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