Hi there, I’m a long time lurker on reddit. Ive never posted anything on here before and I’m typing this on my phone so if I mess anything up....please go gentle on me.
So here is some backstory. I (22f) have this friend named Alice (21f). We have been friends since childhood but we have not always been close. When we were in high school there was a lot of drama and my mom had a lot of issues about how she was treating me as a friend so she advised that I keep my distance from her. After the manipulative way she treated me it has been hard to be close friends with her. We have maintained our friendship but, like i said, we arent close. She was always a VERY jealous friend — like I couldnt hang out with a mutual friend of ours without her blowing up our phones as soon as she found out type.
Now, she’s kind of like an on/off friend for me. Like we will talk every few months and hang out but we really don’t talk a lot. If we werent childhood friends I dont think I would still be friends with her because she is not my type of person. Shes very impulsive and shes never been one to be totally honest because she cares A LOT about outward appearances.
Alice is on her second marriage. The first was to a guy that she was on/off with in high school that joined the military. I think that she married him to make the relationship work...long story short she separated from him six months after the wedding. She met her now husband, Tyler, within a few months of being separated (like she left her husband one month and met Tyler the next). Once her divorce was finalized, Tyler proposed to her like a month later and they got married 3/4 months after that. They’ve been married for a little over a year.
Ok now onto the situation at hand...
Since covid, she’s started texting me and talking to me more and we’ve hung out a few times over the past few months. My boyfriend and I have been over to her and her husband’s house for most of these visits and lets just say....it was kind of clear that they didnt have a good relationship. Not like abusive, more like sort of toxic. Like they’re both good enough people but they clearly shouldnt have gotten married. They would be like arguing in front of us and it would just be so uncomfortable.
Tyler is in the military. About a month ish ago he was in the field and Alice invited a few people over to her house. My boyfriend and I went over and we hung out with her and two other people. One of these people, Jason, has been “best friends” with Alice since high school.
Listen, men and women can 100% be platonic friends but that is not the case here. Jason has loved Alice since he met her. She has stayed friends with him but confessed to me over the summer that she thinks her and Jason “would’ve worked out in another life.” To my knowledge, nothing happened between them before this night.
Anyways, while my boyfriend and I were at this little get together, Alice got pretty drunk and started talking to me about how she’s unhappy with Tyler and how much she thinks she loves Jason. I advised her to not make any rushed decision (like sleeping with Jason) while she was intoxicated. I tried my best to keep her from doing anything with him while I was there because ya know SHES MARRIED. My boyfriend and I ended up leaving that night but Jason stayed later than us and I’m sure you can guess what happened.
The next day, we had dinner out and we happened to see them there so we decided to hang out. Alice told me that she slept with Jason and how much she’s into him dadadadada and that she wants a divorce from Tyler.
Once she could get in contact with him (he was still in the field at this point) she told him that she was unhappy and wanted a divorce. I honestly feel bad for him because I could tell how much he cared about her and despite their differences Tyler is a nice person. I hate that she cheated on him because no one deserves that, especially not in a marriage. I think that everyone deserves to be happy but not necessarily at the expense of other people. I wish that she had just divorced him and then started messing around with Jason instead of the other way around.
The day after Alice told Tyler that she wanted a divorce, Tyler texted a few of the people in Alice’s life. To my understanding he sent two of her best friends a text wishing them well and basically saying goodbye. I’m like 90% sure that they didn’t respond because they are very loyal to Alice. I got one too and I decided to be cordial and reply. Nothing serious just like well wishes.
Over the weekend Tyler texted me and was asking about Alice. He was asking if we knew what happened between her and Jason those nights we hung out with them because he knew they were together that night (Alice has posted A LOT about Jason since they got together/she separated from Tyler so it wouldn’t take a genius to be suspicious of what happened before their separation).
My boyfriend and I had talked about it prior to this and we were seriously considering telling him because we would want to know if we were being cheated on. So, I gave Tyler my boyfriend’s number and my boyfriend told him what happened because I just couldn’t do it.
Today, Alice was texting asking what I knew about my boyfriend telling Tyler about her cheating on him. I didn’t say much over text but I called her and told her that we did tell him because we felt that it was the ~morally~ correct thing to do. I felt like she put me in a situation where I had to choose between my loyalty to her and my own morality. She sounded kind of pissed on the phone and that she couldn’t understand why, me, her “best friend of years” (lol no) couldn’t just come to her first instead of inadvertently telling her ex husband what happened.
I feel torn. I feel like I did the right thing by telling Tyler what happened (because I would want to know if it were me) but I also feel like maybe I could’ve talked to her about it.... Asking her about it didn’t even cross my mind because I know that she’ll never tell me the whole truth about something. I feel like if i talked to her about it and not told Tyler, that the truth never would’ve come out. She has always twisted a story to put herself in the better light.
My boyfriend has said that we didn’t do anything wrong but i just don’t know. I can handle it if I am but I just need to know am I in the wrong here?
I’ll edit this post for clarification if need be.
TL;DR ... my not that close friend cheated on her soon to be ex husband. He asked me about it and my boyfriend told him. Was I wrong?
Submitted November 24, 2020 at 08:32PM by alrightace-0625 https://ift.tt/39dJ4S3
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