I (F35) feel uncomfortable with the very specific porn my boyfriend (M39) watches. Am I overthinking? Should I confront him?

My boyfriend and I have been together for just over a year and live together quite happily with no major issues. He’s loving and supportive I trust him completely, we’ve spoken about getting married and I genuinely feel (or felt) I want to spend the rest of my life with him.

We’re very open with our phones and laptops, we know each other’s passcodes and often use the others to google things etc.

Recently I used his phone and started typing in the search bar when “Black girl x type of porn” came up. I got freaked out and looked at his internet history and all different types of very extreme porn came up always with “black girl” specifically were searched then I delved deeper (I know I should have but curiosity/freakedoutedness) found he has an actual paid subscription to a porn site for black girls and it’s all quite degrading videos. I didn’t know this existed mostly because I’m just ignorant to the world of porn and weirdly we’ve never discussed how we feel about each other watching it but I think that’s because I don’t watch it.

I don’t know why but it made me feel a bit sick. I feel like he’s fetishising me and possibly dating me more because of my race and less because of who I am. Meaning he wouldn’t date me if I wasn’t black. I’m not dating him because of his race (he’s not black) and have never felt to need to watch extreme things being done to someone that looks a lot like him.

He has made comments about how our sex life is very fulfilling and I agree it’s great and healthy we pretty much have sex everyday and I’ve asked him if there is anything he’s into beyond the usual kinks and we’ve played around with some stuff and I’ve always enjoyed and felt comfortable sexually with him.

I’ve tried to bring it up in a jokey way but he basically denies it and says he loves me for me but I guess I feel things are tainted now.

I only recently found out his ex was black...again am I overthinking that?

I’ve also never really thought about him watching porn but he seems to do it a lot more than I realised despite the healthy sex life I thought we had. I know I sound dramatic but I feel like our relationship is a bit false now.

Am I overthinking this? Is this normal? I feel like my feelings are valid but I’m scared to bring it up for some reason. Blergh... I need to do something soon because whenever he’s affectionate towards me I feel sick and a bit angry.

Should I confront him?

P.S. I figured he’s realised somethings up because he’s been deleting his history lately.

TL;DR recently found out my boyfriend watches degrading porn specific to my race and feel that he might be fetishising me and now I am questioning our relationship.

EDIT: The porn isn’t just black girl gets gangbanged it’s more like black girl abused by white guy and called racist/racially degrading names and painfully fucked until she’s crying.

Submitted November 12, 2019 at 01:44PM by amihisfetish https://ift.tt/34WCUA6