I (37F) don't want to have sex with husband (38M) who says sex is most important thing in relationships

I see a lot of post by people who say that their partner doesn't want as much sex as they do and the tension it creates, so it's hard to admit that I am the one holding out in my relationship. A bit of context.

My partner and I have been together 6 years. Sex was amazing and plentiful at first. Then we got pregnant (unexpectedly) after 2 years. We figured we could make a family work so we had our son. After his birth (very long and traumatic for me) my sex drive disappeared. Not dwindled, completely left. I had zero interest in sex and was completely overwhelmed by having a kid. I felt like I died that first year of his life while my partner stood beside and watched it happen. He helped out when he wasn't at work but I did the bulk of the load and our son was a very difficult baby. I chalked up my lack of interest to the stress I was under.

After about 6 months and many conversations about sex I decided to 'fake it till you make it' which was some advice I had heard. We had sex a few times and every single time it was horrible for me. Super painful, super awkward and just overall extremely unenjoyable often ending with me crying. It was made worse by the fact that my husband clearly wanted it and I felt an obligation to provide him (sometimes this was my feeling and sometimes thus came from him).

I went to the Dr and had an exam to see if there was some physiological reason why it would be painful. We tried lube, different postions, different sex acts. All of it feel gross.

I put out as much as I could to keep the relationship going but every time I was basically dissociating to get through it and it didn't seem to be enough for him anyway.

That was four years ago. Since then we had another child (currently 5 months) and bought a house. We've had 'good' sex maybe 5 times in the 4 years but even then I don't orgasm. I have no interest in masterbating or other people. I feel completely dead inside and also so exhausted from taking care of the kids.

We are both miserable and full of resentment. I have asked him to come to therapy with me (I go every week) but he is resistant. I have bought books on relationships but he doesn't read them (he actually lost one). I've told him I need more emotional connection to feel close to him but he says he needs more sex to feel emotional so we are kinda stuck in a catch 22.

I don't know what to do. I feel stuck in the relationship and don't want to leave but can't keep going on like this. Any advice is welcome. Thanks.

TLDR: after having kids I no longer have a sex drive and it is making my relationship miserable for both of us.

Submitted November 25, 2019 at 09:23AM by inwolvescloth https://ift.tt/33mKnY0