My wife (27F) of 7 years and I (32M) are fighting about gym time and resentment is rearing its ugly head

I joined a new gym in April of this year and it has proven to be one of the best decisions I have made recently. I have more energy, I am happier, and I have lost over 50 lbs. I work full time and my wife works part time. We have a couple children (3 and 11 months).

My wife was so supportive the first couple months but then she began to be discouraged because she felt insecure about her own weight and felt she couldn't commit time because we have a baby at home. She joined a gym with child care so she could take the baby and I committed to taking our 3 year old with me. She went to her gym twice during the 90 day membership and I have continued to take our son with me. Now, however, she is showing a lot of resentment because she feels I spend an unfair amount of time at the gym. I go to the gym 3 days a week in the evening and I am gone from the house for an hour and a half, occasionally 2 hours. In the last 7 months I have gone to the gym 4 days in a week maybe 3 times so I can say its definitely 3 days a week almost always.

A little more info- I leave our house fairly early in the morning (I try to leave the house at 6:30am and I am home usually everyday by 5:00pm). When I am not at the gym I am fully involved with my family. I bathe both our kids every night and put our 3 year old down every night without fail. I am with my wife and children every weekend and I am home almost 365 days a year. Sundays are a day we commit entirely to family. As you can probably tell, I am becoming resentful as well and I do not want resentment in our relationship.

She has asked for compromise and for her compromise comes in the form of me going to an early class which interferes with my ability to leave for work on time (the gym doesn't have showers so I have to return home and shower and get ready which puts me about 30-45 minutes behind my normal schedule). I have offered to go with her to the gym and watch both kids while she works out and then she can leave with the baby while I work out but she doesn't like our whole family being at the gym for 2-3 hours 3 days a week. Today I realized that the early class she wants me to attend actually fits into her schedule perfectly because I could stay with the kids at home and get ready for work and as she walks in from the gym on her mornings she works out I would leave for work (right at my 6:30am goal). She became angry with me for bringing the idea to the table because she doesn't want to do the early class. When she expressed this anger and told me she was feeling resentful I sat down with her to share with her how important our family is to me. I have turned down job opportunities due to travel requirements and I decline lots of social opportunities because my absence upsets her, especially considering we have two young children. I spend every day with my family and feel like I am not spending an excess amount of time at the gym but she insists I am. Is this the case? I want to find a solution that we both think is fair but I keep feeling like she won't be happy until I am doing the early morning classes which I can't do due to my work schedule.

TL;DR Wife is beginning to resent the time i spend at the gym. I disagree and it is causing resentment from me as well. Struggling to find a solution.

Submitted November 26, 2019 at 09:14PM by ichosethisasmyname https://ift.tt/2OrX7s4