My (31F) fiance (31M) has lied about finances and created more debt, when I thought he was paying it down

As title says, my fiance has been accruing more credit card debt, while I thought it was reducing.

Some background: we have been together 2 years, and around a year ago maybe more, I became aware of significant credit card debt. At that time he told me he was making good headway on it, so I trusted him and left it that (I won't get right into it, but he had what seemed like good reason for the debt). I didn't become aware of the exact amount until about 8 months ago though, as things became much more serious. We moved in together, started seriously discussing starting a family etc. So, at that point I asked him exactly how much his debt was as I thought it was in both our interests to know where we are at financially now and moving forward. He told me (about $27k aud) and while concerned, I did not think it was un- fixable (one reason being low cost of living due to living in an inherited house). What became clear though was that he needed to change strategies. It was all on a high interest card. So I encouraged him to move it to a no interest card. He was approved to do this with 17k. So then, the plan was to aggressively pay off the card with 10k still accruing interest to get rid of it ASAP, and just pay minimum on the no interest card.

Some more, but important details: In late May, he was selling a car he had inherited. He planned to put that money on this debt. Which was great, because it could sell for 7-8k. However, then we found out I was pregnant (sidebar: I had literally been off pill two weeks and let's just say we thought we'd have a few months of practice at least). The car he was getting rid of was a suitable upgrade for me. So, I sold the car I had at the time and put all that sale money plus another 3k (7k total) on his card, effectively bought the car off him. So, to me, that card should now have a 3k balance, at most. Easy to pay off by the end of 2019. Over the last 6 months I've, every now and then, said something along the lines of "how's that card going/are you managing to make payments?" that sort of thing. The answer was always a resounding "yes" or "putting money on it every pay" etc. We have also been discussing joining finances once the baby is born, and I've made it super clear how important it is to me that we are working on a healthy financial future, which starts with him paying the debt off. Doesn't have to be overnight - but a consistent, concerted effort to pay it down, and save for the future. We've had this conversation more than once. 

Skip to last night: I asked him how the (10k, interest accruing) card was going, but this time I asked how much was actually left on it. He told me: $8k. Which some quick and dirty maths tells us he has actually spent an extra $5k on it in last 6 months (10k minus 7k, plus 5k = 8k). 

I was totally blindsided by this answer. There are multiple layers to this for me, the least of which beinf the actual amount or existence of the debt. But, there is the breech of trust (huge), and then also the financial irresponsibility. If having a baby on the way is not motivation to tackle that debt and be more responsible for our future, what possibly could be?  I invested a lot in to helping him set up a plan to get out of that debt. I was excited by the plan we made. I truly believed we had got on a good track. I feel like that's been thrown in my face. He maintains he has been putting money toward it, but clearly he is spending on it at a much faster rate. I think there is a combination of lying to himself also at play, not pure deceit and lying to me only. The thing is, we talked about exactly this, months ago when I helped him set up how to get out of it. That we could get on top of this, but to do that he had to face it and he couldn't bury his in the sand about it. But it didn't work. This was only 6 months ago. I'm devastated. I'm 7 months pregnant, and I feel like I don't even know the person I am having this baby with. That I can't depend on him.  I am not looking to be totally financially dependent on someone, but, I need and want a partner in life, where we work together, and I now feel terrified of what my financial future looks like with this person. 

I have no idea what to do. To keep finances separate (does it even matter when the law effectively sees you as married? His debt is probably already my debt anyway)? To join and take control of all of our finances? Do I leave, even though I am not in a good position to raise a baby by myself right now. I know I would manage but truth be told it's not what I want. I want to be a family. He is saying all the right things, but it's not enough. It's going to take time and my trust is shattered. I don't know how to move forward, practically speaking OR emotionally. 

Tldr: fiance has been lying about paying off debt when really he's been accruing more. Oh, and I'm 7 months pregnant.

Submitted November 25, 2019 at 12:14PM by pregnancythrowaway59 https://ift.tt/2QPwq2d