My [24F] sister [21F] is thinking of getting engaged to her bf [26M] of only ~1 year. Bad vibes and abstinence are involved, how do I approach?

My sister and I have a somewhat complicated relationship. We are relatively close in age, shared a room our entire childhoods, and hold quite different opinions and beliefs about the world in general. One of the most significant differences is that she claims to be devoutly Christian, and I am an atheist. (We had the exact same religious upbringing, just very different outcomes.) We had a discussion around this time last year about how she was "waiting till marriage," and I made it clear at that time that I felt that was a bad idea.

She is in a relationship with a guy who is in charge of youth outreach for their college's Christian faction. She is one of the "youth" he's reaching out to, which was the first red flag for me. I got strange vibes from him the very first time we met. He hasn't done or said anything that I could point to as evidence for any sort of wrongdoing, but I cannot shake this feeling that he's one of those guys that's going to have the FBI busting down their door in a few years and arresting them on possession of child pornography. Or hopefully something less extreme.

So. She is waiting until she is inextricably and legally tied to this person to determine a base (sexual) compatibility. Bluntly put, I'm worried that this is going to ruin her life. Even if this dude turns out to just be another garden variety Jesus freak, she could wake up in 5 years hating her existence in a sexless or otherwise incompatible marriage, and feel absolutely trapped in it because of her religious inclinations.

I don't know how to approach her about this. I think that she is going to dismiss anything I say about it. I know that she's considering marriage so soon because of the sex aspect, it would be absurd to believe otherwise (although our mother does). But my thinking is... If it's not about the sex, why not just wait? Why not spend another two, three, fuck, why not four years together and then decide if you want to be together for the rest of your lives?

She's not ready in any other part of her life for this kind of step, in my opinion. She has extreme difficulty carrying through with big responsibilities (she still hasn't graduated high school), and she seems to be the type of person to do what she thinks other people think she should do... If that makes sense.

Help?

Tl;Dr My Christian sister is waiting on sex until she is married to her off-putting bf of one year. I think she's too young, the relationship is too short, and abstinence before marriage is dangerously stupid. How do I approach her about this?

Submitted November 27, 2019 at 10:58AM by Itsoktobe https://ift.tt/37GO9yV