So my partner and I have been together for almost ten years. We are a good match mostly. We share a lot of interests, food tastes, political views, etc. We argued a lot in the past but we've both been through a lot of therapy and are much better with communicating these days, so it's pretty rare we actually argue over something now.
This is something that in at a lot for how to address with him, though.
He and I are both 5'8. I weigh a bit shy 280 and most of it is in my gut and thighs. Like. My calves and arms are noodles and I've got the flattest ass on the planet. I'm also very our of shape. My weight is a long struggle for me, I'm looking at surgical options, and it's something I hate talking about bc the platitudes people offer make me feel worse. I make a lot of active choices to work on it though: exercise, dietary decisions, and I recently had my doctors swap me off several medications that contribute to weight gain.
Anyways. He weighs 170 and his weight is fairly evenly distributed. He's pretty fit also, but he's crazy bad about what he eats, one of the other issues we have right now is him constantly bringing large amounts of candy home, for example. He is currently addressing food hoarding in his therapy, so it is part of that, but I have binge eating disorder so it fuels my problems.
He, almost every day, laments how fat he is. How he is huge and meds to lose weight. If I make any comment relating to my weight, I am dismissed as not fat, despite the fact that I'm significantly larger. I don't have a personal opinion on his weight, he is attractive to me regardless, and if he is not comfortable with how weight, I understand. But in relation to my situation, it hurts.
I'm not sure how to respectfully address this with him. Everything I've thought of from here seems either dismissive/thoughtless or ineffective. I hate that this is an issue, I like to think of myself as someone not super focused on weight, but when he's saying stuff about himself multiple times a day, I'm not sure it's possible to not focus on it. It's killing my self confidence too. How can he view me positively when he thinks of himself like that? What can I do here? How do I handle this situation?
Tl;dr; I'm way fatter than my partner and his focus on his weight is hurting me and my self confidence.
Submitted November 26, 2019 at 11:24AM by imthefatone https://ift.tt/33ltTPX
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