**TL;DR;** : My wife tries to control so many aspects of my day-to-day life and is constantly criticizing me, claiming that I need to change or she will divorce me. What can I do?
Please note, this is the adjusted version of a previous question that I have reposted (to be in compliance with site rules). Thank you to those who previously replied.
My wife and I (both 30) have been married for about 5 months now and it’s been rocky, to say the least. A month after the wedding, she wanted to divorce me because I wasn’t up to her standard (her words). She claims I’m slobbish, out of her league, have no desire for personal growth and am not proactive enough in my life. I practically begged her to continue the relationship, saying I would do my best to change. As far as I’m concerned, we just have two very different person personalities and upbringings. I’m quite relaxed about my personal life, since I work a stressful job as a senior manager in a major tech company and look at my home life as a bit of a sanctuary. That said, I cook frequently (every other day), clean, take care of the dog, do the laundry, manage the finances, etc. In my eyes, I’m a successful person with faults but a desire to grow but at my own pace.
I find my wife to be quite controlling and she feels the need to constantly comment and critique every aspect of me: the way I dress, what I eat, when I eat, my table manners, when I go to bed, when I wake-up, how I take care of the dog, the way I load the dishwasher, the way I do my laundry, and so on. It seems that there’s only one way to do things and it’s not mine. When I’m finished eating, she adjusts my fork and knife so that they are positioned the way she wants them (it’s an etiquette thing). She guilts me every night to go to bed by a certain time. She grabs my waistline and comments on my weight (even though I’m in pretty good shape). She expects me to get a haircut that she likes, sending me photos of what she wants, and then gets angry when the barber doesn’t “leave enough length”. She shames me every time I reach for a snack that’s not carrots. She tells me to take out the garbage before it’s 3/4ers full and then chides me for not being proactive enough. She doesn’t allow me to wash my socks and clothes together because she feels it’s not sanitary, even though I’m the one who does my own laundry. And when something comes up for debate, she is relentless. After a while, I just give up and try to stop the argument.
I’ve tried to make changes (I go to bed earlier, started playing sports again, I’m eating more fruit, washing my clothes the way she wants, being more proactive with chores, etc.) but there doesn’t seem to be any acknowledgement of those changes. I feel like one thing gets crossed off the list, only to be replaced by another. It tears away at my confidence, making me feel as though I’m walking on eggshells (since I have the divorce ultimatum hanging over my head) and I have no voice in our relationship. I feel like I’m losing myself, drifting a bit out to sea.
This all reached a bit of a breaking point with me when she “caught” me eating a bowl of granola a few hours before bed. She started getting angry with me, broke out her laptop and started Googling how bad it was for you to eat before bed (funny enough, there’s actually no scientific knowledge that this is even true). She went off about how I’m going to get diabetes, die young, I don’t care about myself/her, etc. and started crying. She talked down to me like I was a child and served up another veiled “divorce” comment, since she claims I have a problem with junk food. I explained to her that I eat three balanced meals a day, have good eating habits and just enjoy my snacks in the evening. But that wasn’t what she wanted to hear. I even told her that I’ve lost 12 pounds in the last 8 months and she claimed that “wasn’t true” and “even if it was, that’s not enough”.
Am I losing it? Should I just try harder to change or am I in the right to think that this is as much a “control” issue as it is a “me” problem? I know I have faults but this just seems downright obsessive. I want to confront her, in an all-or-nothing sit-down, where I explain how her criticism and controlling behaviour make me feel but I just feel like things might further degrade. Am I not seeing the forest through the trees; should I just acknowledge I’m the issue and need to step up? I’m feeling confused and worn out.
Submitted November 26, 2019 at 01:34PM by Thisguytheredditguy https://ift.tt/2OQlGOJ
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