Fiance (24M) and I (23F) want to move in together before our wedding, but his parents (56F & 59M) say its a disgrace

My Fiance and I have been together for over 6 years. We graduated college together and both got jobs within the same city, and up until recently have both just been comfortable living with our roommates in separate apartments- logistically it just worked better that way, and we spend almost every night together anyways. We got engaged very recently, and about 8 months ago he got a job offer a few states away that he had been really hoping to get. The job would require him to move in about 3 months, and both of us decided that I should move with him as I've been wanting a new job and a "fresh start" anyways, and I've always dreamed of living in a warm area near the ocean. We've been looking at apartments for months and even made a trip out to the area a few months ago to tour a few of them. My family has been extremely supportive, offering to help us move or offer advice when apartment searching. My parents are sad that we are leaving, but very excited for us to take on this adventure together.

Over this past weekend, my fiance's parents set us both down to talk about how they don't want us moving in together prior to marriage due to mostly religious reasons. Both my fiance and I are not really religious, and his parents did not seem super religious prior to this on other things, as they know we spend the night together and go on trips together often. They said that moving in together before marriage is a sin, and that it would embarrass them in front of their religious friends, their family, and their coworkers. They also mentioned that they feel they've failed at parenting because of this decision. They suggested we either hold our entire wedding in January, or get legally married in January and hold the ceremony part of the wedding later this year.

We have just started on the brim of wedding planning and I am not ready to hold an entire wedding in essentially a month - I am very excited to get married and want a big wedding at a nice venue and do not want to feel rushed or stressed more than I already will be when planning. Our current timeline is to hold the ceremony in the fall of 2020. My fiance and I agreed that the only real reason we would get legally married prior to moving would be for his parents, which I feel is not a good reason to get married. I also feel that it would make our wedding "less real" because we would already have been married for several months. It also does not make sense for me to wait to move out there until I'm already married because I've already made several moving arrangements - including letting my current job know I will be leaving, informing friends and family, ending my current apartment lease, and because my fiance would not want to move out there until I am going with as well. I also believe that in two years, no one from their church or family will really care if we've lived together anyways, and we don't even know for sure if a lot of people will even know or say anything regardless.

I am unsure what to do at this point, because his parents feel very strongly against us moving in together, and I do not want to damage my relationship or even my fiance's relationship with them. My fiance and I are both really close to our parents, and its very important to have a good relationships with our families for both of us. I've gotten very close with his entire family and respect them and their opinion immensely. However, I do not feel that I should have to compromise my own legal status or my own wedding to simply make them more comfortable. Is there a way to talk to them and essentially tell them that we will not be getting married in January in a way that doesn't completely damage the relationship between all of us? Or should I just suck it up and get legally married to ensure our relationship with them is okay?

TL;DR Fiance and I want to move in together before getting married, and his parents are extremely against it due to religious reasons and how others might feel.

Submitted November 25, 2019 at 12:11PM by throwawaycuzparents https://ift.tt/34nGdAE