Last night I (30F) had a first date with someone I met online (39M). We'd been talking for a couple weeks because I was out of town, and we decided to meet up as soon as I was back (which was yesterday). He offered to meet me at my place since I was exhausted and sleep deprived from the long day of travel, but I didn't feel comfortable with that for a few reasons (one, we hadn't met at all in person yet, and two, I have a friend staying over in my little no-privacy apartment for the holiday and it would just be too awkward). So we ended up meeting in my neighborhood at a bar.
The date went well, except for me being super out of it due to exhaustion. Partway through the date, we made plans to meet up again the next day after I'd gotten more sleep. Eventually, it was clear I was crashing pretty hard so I told him I needed to get to bed and we could continue where we left off tomorrow.
After that, I walked him back to his car and we kissed and started making out pretty hard. Neither of us are people who have sex on the first date, but he wanted to come back to my place to continue the makeout sesh (he clarified it wouldn't go beyond that). I told him that would be tempting, except for 1) my friend being there and definitely asleep by then (it was after midnight) and no sound barriers in the apartment, and 2) I really just needed to sleep (I was also fighting a cold and didn't want to mess up my immune system by going another night without much rest).
Then we kept kissing by his car for awhile and he brought up the fact that he'd packed an overnight bag just in case the date went so well that we didn't want to say goodbye to each other. I made a comment about how that was cute, and then he seemed insistent that we go back to my place. I told him again that my friend was there and I have a very small apartment that offered no privacy. He made a joke (I thought it was a joke) that he'd have some explaining to do to his roommates if he didn't come home that night. I laughed and said I really needed to get some sleep. I was so tired I barely remember the rest of the conversation, but eventually I told him "You're staying here, I'm going home," gave him one more kiss and started walking down the street to my apartment. I turned back and said to text me when he got home safely. It looked like he was getting into his car.
A few minutes later, after I'd gotten inside my apartment, my phone started blowing up with calls from him (which I wasn't gonna answer, because again, my friend was there sleeping). Six calls in total, then a bunch of text messages asking where I went. He wrote that he'd been grabbing his overnight bag from his car to come with me and when he looked back, I had disappeared. I texted him back that we must have had a misunderstanding, because AGAIN, my friend was staying over and also I didn't want to stay up any later, and thought we were parting ways for the night. He seemed absolutely flabbergasted and confused that such a big miscommunication could have occurred and sent a few more text messages grilling me about it ("Am I going crazy? Did we not just have a conversation where I said I'd have some explaining to do to my roommate for not coming home tonight?", etc.). I eventually just turned my phone off and went to sleep because it seemed ridiculous and I felt kind of creeped out.
I feel like there's no way he could have misunderstood me telling him over and over that someone else was in my apartment and it wasn't appropriate to bring him back there, AND that I needed desperately to sleep. But maybe I was so tired that I wasn't explaining things clearly? The weird thing is, he wasn't pushy at all during any other part of the date and kept asking if I needed to get home to sleep whenever I mentioned I was tired. Things only got weird after we started kissing.
I never got back to him about having another date today (kinda ghosted him tbh) and am trying to figure out whether I'm overreacting or if this was a red flag. I really feel confused, because the date went so well until everything seemed to blow up at the very end. I plan on writing him tonight but I'm not sure to give it another chance or cut it off here.
My question is, does this really sound like a miscommunication issue or does anyone else think it was kind of creepy?
**TL;DR** I (30F) went on a first date with someone I met online (39M), and it we had a major misunderstanding at the end where I wanted to go home solo and sleep and he thought he was coming back to my place with me. I really can't understand how he misinterpreted what I was saying, but I want to make sure I'm not overreacting before I assume there was something creepy/pushy going on?
Submitted November 27, 2019 at 06:32PM by miserable-mastodon https://ift.tt/2OQOSVD
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