I (34F) have been dating my Boyfriend (46m) for 8 years now. I love him, we are very compatible, he is my best friend, we have many hobbies in common, it should be a perfect relationship. For the past year I've been having a lot of thoughts about us and my future.
First of all, I only see him 3 days a week. We live in the same city, 10 mins apart, both work the same shift, across the street from each other, we have a ton of meetings together for a lot of the volunteer work we do, but he refuses to live together. When he was jobless for a year (we had been together for 5 years at this point) he refused to move in with me and was considering moving in with his mother instead.
I've been to his apartment, but he doesn't seem to like me there. My hot water heater broke recently and took a week to get fix. Instead of offering me to use his shower he was amazed I was washing with hot water heated on my stove. I even said "I may need to borrow your shower" and his response was "oh? I thought you were using hot water on the stove to wash." Like who does that?
This past few months I've noticed he is getting a bit controlling. With my volunteer work, I'm on call 24/7. I got a call twice in the last 2 months that would require 2 to 4 hours of driving to the location and then back after a long day. I was able to find rides for both days, one with a male coworker and one with a female coworker. He was very upset about me riding with the male and while he didn't say I couldn't go, when we got canceled he said "Good. I really didn't want you to go." The female he was all happy about be riding with.
Other things that are bothering me is my life is stuck. I want to do something but my life revolves around seeing him. My weekends are all about hanging with him. I'm a home body so I don't mind but I feel like every weekend I have a visitor. Can't clean my house, can't do anything I want to really do. Dogs are thrown for a loop so they misbehave so I spend a lot of the weekend trying to keep them from causing trouble (working dogs) and keep them from bugging him. It drives me crazy.
I really can't tell if I'm starting a midlife crisis or if this is how relationships just got after so long. My last relationship was 9 years long (high school sweethearts) and he was abusive as hell. My current boyfriend is great. He is supportive and has never raised his voice to me. He doesn't try to control me, and encourages me to follow my dreams. With in reason.
This is the hardest decision I've had to make. Recently all my friends, and even my Dad have said "He's a really good guy, but you should really consider leaving him and find someone else. You deserve better." And yhe last time people said this, I didn't listen and was stuck in a horrible, abusive, relationship for 5 more years.
TL;DR: Can't decide if my relationship has ran it's course or if I'm having a midlife crisis and leaving my boyfriend is just as a result of me feeling stuck with my life.
Submitted November 25, 2019 at 07:53AM by I_am_so_lost_again https://ift.tt/37EY9sm
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