My first post got more attention than I was expecting and I figured I’d update since the resolution to this issue turned out pretty well.
TL;DR: I pitched a compromise by deep cleaning our place intending to get rid of the junk as I go. This ended up being a win-win for both of us and most of the unwanted junk is now gone, as well as my SO cleaning out his work desk in the process. I feel really good about the solution we came to. Based on the feedback I got here, I think it would be better to just quietly get rid of future unwanted items than to make a big deal of things.
I decided that the best way to tackle this was to just start deep-cleaning the apartment and to bring up throwing out the unwanted stuff as I went along. This ended up being a win-win for both of us and our place was in need of cleaning anyway. I didn’t mention this in my post as I didn’t feel it was relevant, but depression has kinda been kicking my ass lately so I had been slacking on my end in regards to cleaning as it was. Wanting the stuff gone gave me an excuse to just start doing something productive. SO meanwhile just started working at a new company and had a lot of stuff from his former company that needed to get thrown out/shredded anyway.
First we sat down at his desk and got rid of anything he no longer needed, and organized the papers he still does need to keep for his records. Old forms, training brochures, event flyers, and more had been building up there for quite a while and needed to go. He was really appreciative that I took the time to help him go through it all and help him stay focused. Then we moved on to our shared closets and by that point he was willingly tossing tacky shirts, gaudy sweaters, and wrongly sized pants out left and right. We were also able to get rid of a little under half of the shoe collection. I still think he has more shoes than he can wear but I’m willing to let that go for now and accept that we made a lot of progress as it is. We also sorted out quite a few hats, belts, watches, and other accessories that never get worn. I took some of my old t-shirts out of the closet and downgraded them to the pajama drawer or got rid of them to make more room for his better clothes. Most of these items were boxed up and taken to a thrift store, but anything deemed too worn to be worth saving got thrown out. He even told me (in his own words) that I could throw the giant jersey in the thrift store boxes when he wasn’t looking, so I did. Once the junk was all gone, I vacuumed up and mopped the floors, cleaned up some household items and appliances that were long in need of it, etc.
Our house now feels cleaner than it has in months. I think SO feels liberated that we were able to clear out so much stuff while he’s at a point where he’s trying to get a fresh start in his career as it is, especially in regards to things associated with his former company (and in a way I think he associated some of the old clothes and accessories with it since they were all he had to wear when he started there before he had any money coming in). I feel happy that we were able to reach a solid compromise that made both of us feel good.
The only issue left is the air mattress issue, but I don’t think it’s really an urgent concern at this point. SO brought up out of the blue before this deep cleaning started that he doesn’t think his parents will be back in town until Thanksgiving, and if anyone absolutely has to stay with us it’ll be his uncle and aunt (who I get along with much better and who only tend to stay in town for a couple of days). I figure we’ll hold onto the mattresses for now since they’re stored somewhere pretty out-of-the-way. On the topic of SO’s parents in general, more stuff from them will inevitably come in but I think it will be easier to just get rid of the junk once his parents end their visits rather than make a big deal of not wanting it. That might sound like “giving in” but I’ve dealt with far more annoying/intrusive situations from them over the years and have learned to pick my battles. This one really isn’t worth it especially when it at least comes from good intentions.
I want to thank everyone who gave me some insight and offered possible solutions, compromises, and/or different ways of looking at the whole situation. There are a couple of users in particular who gave really thoughtful replies who I’d like to thank specifically, but I’ll have to go back and edit with their names since I’m on mobile atm.
I also want to say that while I understand where those concerned about future hoarding tendencies were coming from and appreciate them looking out for my well-being (and I’m deeply sorry for those who have suffered themselves with loved ones becoming hoarders), but relationships aren’t one size fits all and I just don’t see the point in jumping to scary conclusions just looking at one Reddit poster’s side of the situation. Even if I tried to paint it as accurately as possible, there could still always be some inconsistencies with real life. I think this was worth putting my foot down over and a roadblock that needed tackling, but nowhere even remotely close to being a dealbreaker. We’ve helped each other through so many bigger things over the years that this issue just felt very trivial by comparison. I just posted here looking for the best way to handle things because I didn’t want to make the wrong choices. I think some situations that get posted here do deserve the “cut and run” advice for the sake of all involved, but the response to others is way overblown and there is often another way to resolve things.
Submitted February 24, 2019 at 01:39PM by ArmatageHanks https://ift.tt/2BPSgun
No comments:
Post a Comment