Last week, I was home from university during a study break. Over dinner one night, my mom told my dad not to worry about the mortgage if he couldn't work because I would pay it off. I responded that I wouldn't do that, and if they couldn't pay the mortgage then we should sell the house. My mom took this quite badly and yelled at me for being an ungrateful and heartless child, and she continued to rant to my dad about it after I decided to not finish dinner and left the dining room table. I was upset at the time and told them I'd go back early to the city of my university the next day. However, my mom got up early the next morning and hid my laptop and the pants I brought home so I couldn't leave, then spent the rest of the break pretending nothing had happened. I didn't talk to her much for the rest of the week.
I wanted to convey my disappointment through silence, but I probably should've spoken with her. I don't know what the best way of talking about this is. If I leave the issue alone, we'll just pretend like nothing happened when I go home again, and I'm not okay with that. I have a relatively close relationship with my parents, but occasionally I feel like my mom treats me as an investment; I'm an undergraduate math student planning to start a phd next year, and she often suggests I delay graduate school for a few years to work in finance to make money, which wouldn't be a great career move. Sometimes she asks me to buy luxury items for her or expensive meals which she never asks my dad for, and this makes me feel like she thinks the money I earn is almost disposable? When I bring these things up with her, she just laughs it off.
A month ago, my parents' car broke down. They wanted to buy a new car and paid a $1000 deposit for it, but later decided it was too expensive and bought a used car instead. However, they had to forfeit the deposit, and since they were unhappy about this, I transferred them $1500 to cover the deposit and towing costs for the old car. So honestly, I'm willing to help pay off some of the mortgage, but it wasn't even as though my mom had asked me to do it; she just assumed I would. But at the same time, it's kind of ridiculous considering I'm living on scholarships, student loans, internships, and extra money from tutoring. I manage to support myself by living frugally and have not asked my parents for any funding since I enrolled in university, and I've transferred about 15k of extra money to my parents over the past 3 years. Sometimes I feel guilty and selfish over not planning to get a cs job after university, which would pay much more than academia and would immediately improve the standard of living for my parents. But I can support myself this way and do what I want, I just can't possibly pay back a ~300k mortgage during the next six or seven years without giving up on my dreams. So, Reddit, how should I communicate with my mom on how I feel about this matter?
Edit: I haven't taken out additional student loans since 1st year so I only have 5k of student loans to pay off which I will be able to do immediately after graduating. My parents haven't asked me for any of the 15k that I've sent them. My parents are first generation immigrants, don't make a lot of money, and my mom doesn't work.
TL;DR: had an argument with my mom after she assumed I would pay off the mortgage and I refused, how do I talk to her about this?
Submitted February 24, 2019 at 07:59PM by throwaway_239210310 https://ift.tt/2tCgO5t
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