For background, my aunt [50sF] started dating a guy she had gone to high school with [50sM] “Jim” when I was still in high school.
When I was about 16, he took my aunt, me, my cousin [14M], and my sister [13F] on a ski trip. I thought he was fine and we were all getting along well, teasing and bantering, but one night on the trip my aunt pulled me aside and said that Jim didn’t think I liked him, and implied that I should be nicer.
Flash forward to when I was 18 and was home for break after my freshman year of college. Jim texted me and asked if I wanted to get lunch. Assuming my aunt would be there, and I agreed.
I was surprised when he pulled up to my parents house alone, but he said that my aunt couldn’t make it. I shrugged it off and went along with it. We went to a local restaurant and he ordered a beer with his meal, which I didn’t think much of. But then he had several more beers, and all of the sudden he asked me about my dating life. I had been (and still am) perpetually single, so I told him there wasn’t much to speak of.
He then proceeded to ask me why I was single, to which I shrugged. He then began to tell me how intelligent, beautiful, and funny I was. I didn’t know what to do, so I shrugged again, or maybe said thank you. Then, out of nowhere, he proceeded to say: “I mean, don’t you have needs?”
At this point I was extremely uncomfortable, and I think I just laughed it off, or shook my head.
Much of the rest of the conversation I’ve repressed because I was embarrassed and honestly a little afraid. He went on to talk about how he wanted to propose to my aunt and how much he loved her, which I honestly considered a bit of a relief.
We then left, I offered to drive because he had had a couple (more like several) drinks, but he waved me off.
Instead of driving me home, though, he drove me to a nearby hotel which he said had a jewelry store inside. I hesitated in the parking lot, fears spinning in my mind. Seeing my face, he laughed, almost accusingly “We’re just going to look at jewelry. What could you possibly be thinking right now?”
At this point I was almost ready to call my mom, but thankfully the jewelry store was closed, so he drove me home.
For a long time I wrote this off as me overreacting (I must be misremembering, I probably was reading too much into it, etc.), but part of me always felt something was off.
I’ve slowly told different family members over the years (my mom, my sister, my cousin), but never my aunt (his girlfriend.)
Most people are kind of shocked, but mostly waved it off as just a weird occurrence. He never did get to propose, and actually did some jail time for drinking and driving.
Fast forward to recently, and he has recently been released from jail and is back living with my aunt. He will semi-frequently text me, referring to me as “Big Cat” and tried to get me to join a curling league with my aunts and him.
I still feel uncomfortable around him, so I pulled my other aunt, also 50sF, aside and explained to her why I would continue to attend large family gatherings, but I would not be joining the curling league.
She said that now that he’s sober (he’s been in AA and successfully clean for about a year), things are likely different now, and that I should consider “making amends”, of course with her or another adult present if it would make it more comfortable.
Am I in a position where I should look to mend this relationship? Or should I just avoid spending any more time with him then absolutely necessary? Do I owe it to my aunt to tell her why I’m uncomfortable around him?
TLDR; Aunt’s boyfriend [50sM] used to be an alcoholic, and made me uncomfortable when I was 18. Should I look to make amends?
Submitted February 24, 2019 at 04:13AM by toforgiveorforgetme https://ift.tt/2EsxLp7
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