I'd say most of the time my relationship with my boyfriend is really good. We have been together 3 years and rent a small place together. He treats me way better than anyone I've dated before, but I'm kinda inexperienced so that might not be saying much. I love him with all my heart and soul and that's why the stuff he says to me has been so hurtful
I'm pretty much always doing something wrong without knowing I'm doing anything wrong. I've asked him countless times to just say, "hey (me), can you please not do (blank)?" and I would stop doing it immediatley because I don't want to hurt him or cause him discomfort at all. He doesn't communicate things with me in the moment, though, instead opting to "drop hints" that I don't pick up and then throw in my face two months later that I've been doing this awful thing and he hasn't even wanted to be around me and...it's the first time I've heard of it.
Sometimes it's small stuff I feel like he's unecessarily mean about. Like for example, in my house growing up, we always left dirty pots on the stove until we did the dishes because my parents hated the sink being too full of pots and pans. So I didn't even consider that I was doing anything wrong (we do the dishes regularly too so it's not like dirty stuff is sitting there for days). All he had to do was ask me to start putting pots in the sink when I was done using them. He did ask nicely at first, then after I said "oh yeah! I'll do that from now on, I'm sorry" he continued on saying he was always cleaning up after me and how stressful it was for him. Okay...sorry, I won't do it again. Although I didn't think it was true at all that he was always cleaning up after me, especially because I'm the only person who cleans the kitchen and he always leaves huge spills all over the counters after he cooks.
The next day, there were pans on the stove, and they were all his.
Then there's the once every two month "you've been doing everything wrong" fight. If I ever make the slightest mistake (like hearing him wrong) or I'm upset with him for something he did, he throws at me how much he hates something I've been doing. This latest time it was me talking about college too much. He said he doesn't want to hear it, and that he supposedly tries to change the subject, and that's how I should know I talk about school "too much". Instead of him just telling me. He said it makes him not even want to be around me. He says this every time, that I've been doing something all the time that makes him not even want to see me. And it's always things like "you talk about (blank) too much" or "you cry too much" or something like that. It's really hurtful. Even if these fights don't happen too often, I'm always on edge because apparently he's just faking wanting to be around me. And I always know I'm doing something wrong, even if I don't know what I'm doing wrong.
When I pointed out that it's hurtful that he says he doesn't even want to be around me, he says I'm twisting his words or that he never said that. Or that I'm taking things out of context. I don't understand why he can't just nicely ask me not to do something and he always has to act like this about it.
Another recent thing he did was throw in my face that apparently, like, three months ago I told him I cry to manipulate my parents and he's been "really really afraid" of me and hasn't wanted to comfort me if I'm ever upset. I was shocked because I absolutely do not cry to manipulate my parents and didn't ever remember telling him anything that because that's crazy. I asked him what the context was and he said he didn't remember. I stressed about it for hours before remembering he was probably talking about when we were having a back and forth discussion about going to Goodwill as kids. I used to cry so my parents would buy me a stuffed animal...when I was, like, 6 years old. He took something I did at age 6 and tried to twist it into me manipulating everyone around me when I feel sad.
But he says he's just being honest about the way he feels and I can't just expect him to be calm and rational if I'm the one doing things wrong. Even if I don't know I'm doing anything wrong. Am I really overreacting or he is being needlessly cruel?
FYI he's really nice to me most of the time. He's a motivated guy and I love that. We go on runs every morning, we both love animals and have a dog, and he'll do awesome things like cook for me when I'm working late and surprise me with gifts.
TL;DR: every few weeks my boyfriend tells me something new I'm unknowingly doing wrong that has made him "not want to be around me for months" and it hurts me. he acts like he's always just pretending to enjoy his time with me. the things I do wrong are things like talking too much about one subject or doing the dishes differently. he says he's being honest and I'm twisting or making up his words, even when I quote him back word for word. are relationships about tough love or is he being needlessly cruel?
Submitted February 23, 2019 at 01:31PM by HumanAstronaut6 https://ift.tt/2U3gKHy
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