Too insecure for relationships?

I need some advice. I have been in a relationship with my boyfriend for 2 years. We had no problems in the first year but in the last few months, my insecurities have been driving him away. I constantly need to ask him for reassurance about my appearance and how he feels about me. I have a history of eating disorders and though I am now recovered, I still have poor self esteem. My boyfriend has been amazing and supportive but he said recently that he is drained because of me pushing him away all the time. We used to have so much fun together but now I often ruin it by forensically analysing everything he says and asking him lots of stupid questions for reassurance.

I get extremely jealous of his female friends, girls he works with etc. I worry he sees other attractive women and fantasies about having sex with them. A few months ago, I also asked him if he would not watch porn anymore as the thought of that made me jealous. He stopped and said he didn’t mind as he wasn’t that into it anyway. One time he mentioned that a female celebrity was attractive and I gave him the silent treatment for 2 days. He told me that there will always be other attractive women but he never thinks about others in a sexual/lustful way and that he only fantasises about me. But I don’t believe him as I know what all men are like. He is very honest and trustworthy, he’s given me no reason to think I can’t trust him. And he tells me I am stunningly beautiful. Recently he said, he no longer wants to go on holiday with me because I always pick fights and go silent on him for days.

He said that although he loves me and wants to spend the rest of his life with me, I either need to make an effort to sort myself out or it would be better for both of us to part ways. He tells me I’m the one who is “out of his league” but I think he is perfect and that he deserves someone perfect too. I wonder if I would be better off on my own as then I wouldn’t need to be jealous all the time. But he is the love of my life and I would regret losing him over my insecurities. I don’t know what to do to fix my low self esteem. I’ve had therapy in the past but I still suffer with my issues now. I wonder if I will always be too insecure for a relationship.

Tl;dr low self esteem and jealousy over other women ruining my relationship with great boyfriend. Can it be fixed?

Submitted January 27, 2019 at 11:15AM by ordinary_girl1994 http://bit.ly/2Ufcd4m