My boyfriend and I just hit the 1 year mark. Things were going well until a few weeks ago I noticed him texting a lot more than usual. He rarely texts - I generally have to wait 4-5 hours for a response. One night we were out and he was on his phone the entire time, at one point he sat down and left me to wander alone while he was texting. I asked who he was texting and he said "My friend [Girl's Name.]" I thought nothing of it.
I started to notice if I was sitting next to him or we were in bed together he would be texting this person.
Last week I called him asking to go for lunch, but he said he was busy working on school work (we're in college.) I went about my day, and texted him around suppertime asking if he wanted to grab supper before I had to go to a meeting. No response, so I went to the meeting.
Afterward, I noticed I had a text from him ~7pm saying "what's up?"
I said "just got out of my meeting, what are you up to?" I hadn't spoken to him since before lunchtime at this point.
He said "I'm out with [Girl's Name.]"
A red flag went up in my head, because I had only just noticed him talking to this person (a LOT) and to my knowledge, they've never hung out before - but I said "ok cool."
At 9:30pm I asked if he wanted to get supper because I still hadn't eaten. No response.
At 11pm I asked if he was coming over, he said "I'm still with [Girl's Name] but I'm leaving soon!"
At 12:30am I called him to ask if he was ok. I thought it was odd he'd been out with a stranger for ~12 hours with little to no communication, it was after midnight, he said he was coming over an hour and a half ago... I was feeling weird about it. He said he was on the way.
He arrived around 1am. The girl dropped him off and came to the door to shake my hand, which I found odd.
On the way up to my apartment, I asked how he knew her - he said they met at a photoshoot a few weeks ago and exchanged numbers. I asked what they did for 12 hours, he said they hung out and talked. Then I noticed he had a duffle bag over his shoulder and asked what was in it. He said "oh yeah, we went to the outdoor rink" (something we've been planning to do for a date but haven't had time yet...) I asked why he hadn't responded about supper, he said they went out for dinner together after the rink... It felt like details were only unfolding as I was asking questions, and it was beginning to sound more and more like an extended date. I told him it was weird that he hadn't mentioned it, and asked if he thought I would be mad or something. The whole thing felt weirdly sudden and secretive (we're usually very honest and transparent.)
We ended up having a fight that night, because he felt like I was being overly dramatic, and I felt like he was being dishonest.
We both have friends of the opposite gender, this has never been an issue. The fact that he was quietly texting a random girl he just met, night and day, and then went out with her and did the date things we were going to do for literally an entire day - that's what made me feel yucky. And then the fact that he was very vague about what they did until I confronted him. I felt bad/nervous asking, but I wanted to be honest about my feelings. He asked if I wanted him to stop seeing her and I said "No, but don't be weird about it, I guess."
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He has continued to text her at the same rate all week, I'm still getting the same 4-5 hour wait time for a response if I text him something. Now if he's in bed with me and gets a notification from her he'll go to the bathroom with his phone for 20 minutes.
I resisted saying anything until this morning. He was showing me a message on his phone about something else and I noticed he had an unread message from her, circa 3am. (He was in the bathroom for an hour last night ~3am...) I asked if he went to the bathroom to talk to her at 3am... he said yes. I asked what they talked about, and he said they were making plans to hang out tomorrow. I asked why he had to go to the bathroom to text her, and he said "because you're nosey."
I said "I'm nosey because you're being secretive with a stranger and this has never been an issue, and it's freaking me out."
He asked if I want them to cancel their plans to hang tomorrow and I said "no."
Am I nosey? Is this normal? I've never been the jealous type - in fact, I hate jealousy in relationships, I think it's poisonous. I've also been cheated on before, and even though I want to trust him, I really really really need both of us to be open and transparent with each other for that to continue. I feel like this has just sprung out of nowhere, and I don't want to hide my feelings about it but I also don't want to alienate him. Please help.
TL;DR My boyfriend recently met a girl, exchanged numbers, texts constantly, went on a random 12 hour excursion without telling me, is continuing to be elusive about their relationship and hangouts.
Submitted January 27, 2019 at 09:40AM by Ceol7 http://bit.ly/2UpiGtP
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