I’m the MOH in my best friend’s wedding at the end of the year. She is my lifelong best friend, we consider each other sisters. I do live around 1,000 miles away from her. There was no way I was in a position to say no when she asked me to be her MOH.
I should preface this by saying she is from New Jersey, where weddings are a huge deal. Huge. I’m not from there so I’m not too familiar with the traditions and was not aware of most of them until some of the event planning started happening.
We are all in our early twenties, and the bridal party is very small. I had no idea the bridal party is expected (I say that very literally) to throw a huge bridal shower and pay for it ourselves. My best friend wants a shower that will cost about $3,000 or more and has a guest list of 150. The bride expressed to me that she hopes the bridal party can find a way to swing the cost without assistance from her mother or mother of the groom because she doesn’t want them involved. In my mind, I thought a bridal shower is a small intimate event at someone’s house. The bride told me that everyone that lives up North knows that “this is how it works”for weddings and that when you say yes to be in a wedding, you are aware you have to financially commit to all of these big events.
She also wants to do a 4-day weekend trip across the country for a destination bachelorette party. She made it clear that she expects me to be there and I have a feeling our friendship would change drastically if I didn’t attend. So I said yes to that and I decided I will find a way to make it work financially.
I love my best friend with my whole heart. I want her wedding to be everything she wants and more. I don’t want to make any of this about me, but I am in a very tight financial situation. The bride is aware of this too. I am finishing grad school, have no job or income, and don’t have hundreds of dollars to throw out for all of this. I have money for the basics like the dress, shoes, hotel, flight for the wedding, and a few things for the bachelorette party. Also, I live far away so I can’t fly out for everything. I don’t have the funds to support these huge events.
I haven’t vocalized my concerns to the bride because I don’t want to stress her out or bring her down. The bridal party and the moms are meeting today and are calling me today to start planning the shower. How do I gently state that I can’t afford what the bride wants? Will I look cheap? If I could afford this, I would do it in a heartbeat for my best friend. I’m stuck.
Tl:dr; I’m the MOH in my best friend’s wedding at the end of the year. She is my lifelong best friend. She is from New Jersey, where weddings are a huge deal. My best friend wants a shower that will cost about $3,000 or more. I had no idea the bridal party is expected to throw a huge bridal shower and pay for it ourselves. She also wants to do a 4-day weekend trip across the country for a destination bachelorette party. I said yes to the bachelorette but I can’t afford to significantly help financially for the shower. I am finishing grad school, have no job or income, and don’t have hundreds of dollars to throw out for all of this. Im talking with the bridesmaids and mothers today to begin planning the shower. I’m stuck.
Submitted January 27, 2019 at 09:55AM by yesgirl923 http://bit.ly/2RjPKRQ
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