I am college student[22F], my family has a tradition of traveling together and I just came back from a vacation with them. I am starting new semester and just feel exhausted after spending so much time with them.
Generally we are a good family with good relationships. We’ve got some issues like everyone does maybe a little bit more. During this vacation I think I realized where a lot of my insecurities come from. They never f*cking listen to me! It goes from obviously telling me to shut up (doesn’t happen that often tbh) to just zone out or interrupt me when I am telling something. They do it so often I don’t think they even do it consciously.
They are not rude people in general and do care about manners and I’ve never saw them interrupt someone when they have conversation with someone else. Or if they do they conscious of it and apologize, like “I’m sorry I interrupted you but I need to say this”.
But with me they just so casually start a conversation while I am telling a story or saying my opinion on a thing we all were discussing. Like I’ll be telling something and just mid-word my sister [29F] would turn around to my mom [50F] and ask her something and my mom would just start discussing that thing while I am right in front of them. It doesn’t matter if I just continue talking or stop, it doesn’t seem that they are even aware that they interrupted me.
Once I became aware of it I would just notice while I am telling a story that they sort of zone out or don’t listen and I just stop mid-sentence in the middle of a story and nobody notices.
Honestly sometimes I would rather they just out right tell me to shut up cuz that would be honest at least. Sometimes when my sister is irritated she would tell me to shut up because my tone of voice is irritating. That’s hurtful too but at least I know it is because she is irritated and she is honest. That’s better than the casual everyday dismissiveness, I guess.
By the end of vacation we started fighting a lot. I brought up that the way they never listen to me hurts me to my mom and she seemed to get it. When we were fighting again in the end of vacation I said that they still not listen to me and just that day there was like 3 or 4 times I was telling a story and they did that thing again where they just didn’t listen or started another conversation right in the middle of it. My mom was angry and said: “well, than I guess nobody needs your f*cking stories”.
I know she was angry and maybe just exaggerating. But it felt like because she was angry she finally said the truth. Like she wasn’t even aware she is doing it to me and she wasn’t aware why she is doing it. But I finally realized something I guess I subconsciously knew before. They ignore me and interrupt me and don’t listen to me because they don’t f*cking care about what I’ve got to say.
It is upsetting. Even though I am an adult already and far away but I can’t help but be affected by them. I know I can’t be looking to my family for support and got to find ways to be independent from their opinions, but fck, it’s been a week already and I just had a dream that I was talking to them and then they interrupted me again and when I pointed it out they all turned around at me and started screaming at me. I woke up crying like a fcking child. I hate that I am so dependent on them and their opinions on me.
The most ironic thing is that I am trying to be a writer and they always get offended because I never give them anything I’ve written to read. I always wondered why I felt so insecure about it but now it all makes sense.
I am not asking how to make them listen to me because it is kind of too late for that and I am not a teenager anymore. I can’t be looking from support from them anymore knowing I will never receive it the way I want it. How do I stop myself from being so dependent on them? I am just exhausted and I don’t know how to start believing in myself when the people closest to me don’t. I’m tired even though I just came back from vacation.
TL;DR during the vacation realized my family never listens to me and that’s where my insecurities come from. After being told that “nobody needs my stories” now trying to figure out how to stop being affected so much by them.
Submitted January 27, 2019 at 09:53AM by lunabar264 http://bit.ly/2UltWah
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