I (32M) am unsure if how to bring up the topic of having children with severe disabilities with my girlfriend (28F) of two years.

tl;dr: I am deeply afraid of having children with severe disabilities. How should I bring this up with my girlfriend? Should I bring this up with her at all?

So, I've been with my girlfriend for about two and a half years. I'm looking at rings, and we've already started making general wedding plans. Everything is absolutely great. She's the love of my life and she certainly seems to feel the same way for me. We both have good jobs, our lives are pretty great and I'm super excited for our future. However, I have a really deep fear that I haven't brought up to her and I feel like I need to before proposing.

My cousin has a severe mental disability and I've seen first hand what it's done to my aunt and uncle and their other non disabled children. It's honestly my deepest fear. They're stuck in a miserable life caring 24/7 for a person that essentially has no mental capacity beyond screaming, crying, and soiling herself. I'm not trying to be cruel about it, I just cannot imagine ever destroying my life the way they have for her. Its also clear they are unhappy and deeply regret it. I think they assumed when they found out that she would pass away in a couple of years at the most, they would mourn her passing, and then move on. It's been about 20 years and they're still in the same position, they spend all of their money, energy, and time on medical care for her.

Anyways, my girlfriend is basically obsessed with being a mom. I get it, and I love it. I'm really excited about being a father. But how do I talk about this issue with her? How do I even bring it up? I don't think I could stay with her if we knew our child would have debilitating mental issues, she had the chance to terminate the pregnancy, and decided not to. It's not meant to be controlling, I would never want to tell her or any woman that they must do x or y in that situation. I just don't think I could go on without some incredible amount of resentment. This is literally the only thing besides some horrible drug addiction or infidelity out of left field that I would leave her for. It seems crazy to bring this up when everything is absolutely amazing in our relationship, but I also think it might be irresponsible not to?

Submitted January 03, 2019 at 10:53AM by ThrewItAwayInTheBay http://bit.ly/2F7VN9R