I am not really interested in a serious relationship right now but I've had occasional FWBs. Sometimes hooking up with people in open relationships. But when an open relationship is involved, I have a strict rule, I have to talk to BOTH members of the relationship individially to make sure they both are cool with the situation, and see if there are any ground rules to be laid out. It lets me make sure the girlfriend is totally comfortable and secure, and I won't be hurting anyone. I like having the conversations 1 on 1 so I can be confident nobody's being coerced into agreeing to something.
I do this because one time a married man lied to me about being in an open relationship and I felt so bad for his wife when she found out, because she had thought they were monogamous. So I don't want to be involved in anything similar again. I want to be sure both people are enthusiastically consenting to the whole thing.
Anyway, I used to work with a different dude Tom, who said he had an open marriage, and there was always some chemistry but I told him that I didn't want to potentially complicate things at work so I wasn't interested. But a month ago, I accepted a job offer from another place and got to talking to Tom again, and we agreed to meet up for drinks. On that night, I mentioned to him that I didn't want to get intimate or kiss or anything until I'd had a conversation with his wife one on one. So I'd like to have her number or Facebook. And he said absolutely not, it would make her feel insecure to speak to me.
I said I wasn't cool with going forward unless I was sure his wife felt comfortable and secure about the whole thing, and from what he was saying it didn't sound like that was the case. From what he was saying, I was wondering if his wife even knew about the "open relationship"
He was mad about that, and accused me of being immature and not knowing how open arrangements work. In his words, they only work if you don't rub it in your partners face. I said that I'd seen the opposite, they work best with transparency and self confidence and that was the only thing I wanted a part in. I left shortly after that
And he's sent me a number of texts saying I was immature, sheltered, naive, didn't know how open relationships actually worked, didn't know a thing about respect, etc. I told him a couple times to stop texting me and he kept texting me anyway, going from insulting me to asking me to reconsider. In the end I screenshot them and found his wife on Facebook and sent them along with a message saying "Your husband is saying he has an open relationship but he's said some stuff that is making me doubt his honesty. I thought you should know, just in case my suspection is right that he's not being honest." I also blocked Tom so he couldn't text me because I wanted to wash my hands of everything.
I saw she read the messages, since Facebook has read receipts, but no reply.
Now, I have a party coming up for a friends birthday and I know Tom is invited. I don't know if I should go. I am worried he will be angry with me and try to start shit at the party. I really want to be there for my friends birthday but I don't feel totally cool drinking around Tom.
tldr; I didn't hook up with him because his "open marriage" seemed suspicious. I also sent texts to his wife so she'd know if he happened to be lying. Now I'll be seeing him at a party at I'm feeling anxious and awkward
Submitted January 28, 2019 at 05:46AM by SleepyPandaBurr http://bit.ly/2Ws92YT
No comments:
Post a Comment