I am a gay woman who shares a table in an open office plan with three men, also all gay. We have sat together for over a year and are good friends both at and outside of work. The only issue I have is their detailed discussions of the male form, including other coworkers, men on the street, men on the media, etc. If a man is brought up in the conversation (even "average" men), no one can pass up the opportunity to say something such as the following:
"Ooo what I wouldn't do to that boy. MMmmm."
"Oh Jack [quiet developer fresh out of college] he's bi-curious I'm sure. He was hitting on me HARD at happy hour. I was gonna take him home, but, you know."
"Mmm the legs on that one."
Etc. This is all pretty PG but it's really the consistency that is wearing me down. I think that they see me, a fellow gay, as an ally in these discussions, but really I find them tiring. I have been objectified plenty by men and it leaves me feeling hopeless, wondering if straight men are assessing me with the same consistent, sexual rigor.
I have already asked why they feel the need to bring up the physical when we are discussing a man's intellectual prowess, for example. I have straight up told them that it makes me uncomfortable, to which the eldest gentleman doubled down saying that he was "just shameless and wasn't gonna change" and needed to "mark his territory." He is now pouting after my most recent attempt to minimize these comments.
My question - am I crazy? If women were the subject of their talk I feel that it would be very clear they were being inappropriate. But their blindsided response to my objections leaves me wondering if I'm just being a prude. If I'm not crazy, how do I help them understand the effect of their comments, without offending them?
Edit: TL;DR my coworkers enjoy the male form and sing its praises endlessly. It makes me uncomfortable because it feels dehumanizing and non-consensual. Is it worth helping them understand my discomfort?
Submitted October 01, 2018 at 05:19PM by give_itaway_now https://ift.tt/2DOyjqZ
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